Topic: Politics
In the scheme of technology, politics have never really caught up. Sure, all candidates have Web sites and groups of political activists such as Moveon.org have firmly shown their strength. But it's the candidates themselves that have never really grasped the popularity of this "Series of Tubes."
Thanks to Myspace.com, this is no more. Politicians such as Phil Angelides and Hillary Clinton, who's own page calls her the President of the United States of America. This site is undoubtedly run by Clinton herself, despite her demeanor as the type of person who wouldn't know how to use Google.
"If you're looking to find somebody who's going to spend 22 hours putting up signs for you, I'd go to MySpace," said Phil Noble, who runs the PoliticsOnline consulting firm.
Is this guy kidding? If you're a political candidate and you're reading this, never use Phil Noble as your consultant. Anyone who puts any time or effort into Myspace will never work 22 hours for you. They'll try to fix the code problem on their page so their pink bunnies can dance appropriately or will attempt to proposition an underage girl for sex. But they certainly won't spend every waking moment of their lives working for you. Get real, Phil.
More evidence was laid in stone recently proving that women with breast implants will live longer. An Israeli woman who was near the explosion of a Lebanese rocket was saved when the shrapnel from the blast penetrated her chest, but instead of destroying her organs, were caught in the sweet buttery goodness of her huge honkin' implants.
An entire family in Germany is on the verge of being evicted because their late night prayer sessions are keeping up the whole building. The praying begins sometimes as late as 2:30am, and if you think that is weird, wait until you hear what the patriarc of the religious family has to say.
An American man in Thailand who was looking for a teaching job admitted to the murder of 6-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago when he was in the United States after being arrested for some reason by the Thai police. He has since been detained and is expected to be extradited to the States for a formal interrogation.
Three months ago, the powers that be that were in charge of the daily operation of the Heart of Darko took a good long look at our flagging readership and noticed that when we posted stuff that you couldn't find on regular sites, we were a hit. Other than that, we sucked, because no one wants to read our stupid little jokes about Lebanon (no seriously. that commentor on Saturday called us a "dick bag" - ed.).
It was 29 years ago today that The King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley was found dead in Graceland, hunched over on the throne of heart failure caused from his drug use.
Magician David Copperfield has shocked absolutely no one with the announcement that he's found the Fountain of Youth in the Bahamas, smack in the middle of a tiny group of islands the moronic jackass paid $50 million for recently.
Three Mexican fisherman who were thought to be dead have been found by a Taiwanese fishing crew more than eleven months after they vanished. They were picked up over 5,000 miles away from their home city of San Blas.
One of our favorite lines from any movie comes early in City Slickers where, riding horses, the three NYC gents are discussing a pretty blonde girl that is on the cattle drive with them. The following exhange is classic:
A Homeland Security report has been released by the Associated Press, in which it is clearly stated that airport X-ray scanners cannot detect possible shoe bombs, as they are unable to differentiate between your footwear's material and expolisve devices. The upshot? It doesn't matter, because you're meant to be treated like a piece of crap and still need to take off your shoes, unless you enjoy body cavity searches.
When we were last in Scottsdale (earlier this January - ed.), the city had just instituted a new system of speed cameras on the 101 to stop people from going over the 65 mph limit. These were also used throughout the town to enforce lower speeds. Even though we were in a rental car, we still respected the cameras... except for these two times when it was just too tempting.
Researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha have discovered a link between hot dog consumption and altered DNA in people, which could lead to a strange form of cancer. Specifically, colon cancer, which we kind of expected, since everytime we've eaten more than one hot dog, our colon has felt like a train was smashing through it.
We always find it interesting that a year and a half before the next Presidential election, candidates begin the stumping. This activity has always started each election season in Iowa, where the state fair is suddenly packed with candidates from both parties hoping to kiss enough ass and eat enough crap carnival food to impress the locals into believing that they're sincere and normal guys, instead of the rich cads that they are.
Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, leader of the radical group Hizbollah, claimed that the terrorist organization had won a strategic battle against Israel after the agreement of a cease-fire, proving that even those against freedom and peace have public relations flack to help them iron out their bad image.
We first saw a Segway self-balancing scooter at the West Palm Beach International Airport, where a meter maid was sitting on his mobile dorkmobile putting a parking ticket under our rental car's wiper blade. While we hid in the bushes and waiting for him to roll his fat ass away, we noticed that learning how to ride on a Segway would take getting some used to, and if this person was a novice, then we could take him by surprise by our Pontiac G6 crap car and get away scot free.
Living in the downtown area of a major city, we are very used to some of the dumbest criminals known to exist. However, none of them even holds a candle to Jeffrey Moore of Deposit, New York.
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has announced that they have accepted a cease-fire agreement with Hizbollah. While no details have been released, this undoubtedly means the return of the captured Israeli soldier.
A group of ten horny manatees entertained a large group of spectators in Longboat Key, Florida, after chasing a female into shallow water and duking it out for her affection, proving once again just how similar manatees are to drunken guys in a bar.
Former Hollywood agent Jamie Gold (no relation to Ari of Entourage - ed.) eliminated a 25-year-old restaurant manager earlier this morning to win $12 million in the 2006 World Series of Poker. Gold, who previously said he wanted no part of the fame that would be doled out to him if he did win, is now the most famous poker player in the world, even though he could spend the rest of his life burning money and not have to worry about going broke.