Topic: Politics
A Venezuelan stand up comedian by the name of Benjamin Rausseo has launched his campaign for the Presidency of the embattled country and is swearing that his candidacy is for real and he hopes to oust the internationally unpopular current President, one Hugo Chavez.
While many have said that Rausseo's plight for the position is a joke, the comedian and extremely successful businessman has said that he is 100 percent serious, and that he aims to knock down Chavez's corrupt regime and begin to work with the international community. Also, he promises free beer for everyone if he wins, something that we can fully get behind.
His one man political party, the Independent Party for Advanced Answers, or PIEDRA, has created its slogan as "Vote Piedra," a phrase meaning "vote for the party" and "get angry."
And even though Chavez is great fodder for news and jokes, we believe that he is also a negative in the world leader category, and because of our love of comedy, we're throwing our hat in the ring for Benjamin Rausseo for Venezuelan President. Now we only have until December 3 to get full Venezuelan citizenship. Anyone out there know how to expedite that?
A bar in Beijing, China, has just opened up a new idea that we consider to be one of the most innovative and genius ways of getting more females into your establishment ever. Since April 2006, the bar has hired twenty young muscular men to stand still while patrons pay as low as $6.25 to wail on them, brutalize, punch and smash things on their bodies and heads.
A long stretch of Pennsylvania road has claimed two brothers in two separate motorcycle accidents two hours apart from each other. Jeremy Kerr was headed to the scene of his brothers fatal accident on Route 38 when he failed to pay attention and smashed into the back of a car stopped in traffic caused by his older brother's wreck.
When we moved into our latest apartment three years ago, the complex tried to start our stay here on an epic level, by loading up our fridge with a quart of milk, a frozen pizza, and two slices of bread. A woman in Germany who moved into her new apartment found an equally packed refrigerator, except she had better unpack her pots and pans, because she received a dead, frozen canine in her freezer.
After moving from Wisconsin and South Dakota to Texas at age 4, we lived in the town of Commerce, home at the time to East Texas State University, where our father was teaching. A few years passed and our dad moved on to better things. So did ETSU. They became Texas A&M-Commerce, and we took college classes there during the summers and our senior year of high school, almost earning enough college hours to be a sophomore when we went to the real Texas A&M in College Station.
2006 Tour de France winner Floyd Landis failed his "B" sample this morning, confirmed reports that he did in fact take testosterone during his massive comeback to win this year's crown of all cycling races.
This week's DSCC email comes to us from the smile of one Senator John Edwards, who still remains the only person to have their headshot grace the email's contents, reminding us of his smile and who exactly he is. The subject? Callous Disregard. This should be a good one.
Internet gambling site BetUS.com has begun to take bets on whether Cuban dictator Fidel Castro will die from complications fromthe surgery he underwent earlier this week. Over 3,000 bets have been placed, with the stakes depending on whether the dictator will die in September or October.
A 21-year-old sales assistant (i.e. cashier - ed.) in England was fired by text message while she rested at home with a migraine. While the company calls itself "youth-oriented"and claimed they were merely trying to keep with the times and pop culture, the message that they sent was very Old Money boring, stating itself way to clearly for the texting crowd.
A team of British scientists have hit out against vitamin tablets, especially C and E caplets, claiming that they will harm you more than help you, possibly creating extra illnesses. Also, the amounts that people take have been proven to offer no extra help in real life and only work on much smaller cultures in test tubes and lab tests.
Nearly 200 people were admitted to area hospitals Wednesday to receive treatment for spider bites by the Yellow Sac, which have the ability to transmit a horrible flesh-eating disease. Now, Vienna authorities have put a bounty on every spider that its citizens kill, with as much as a $250 reward for bringing in the evil little shits, which enjoy attacking people while they sleep.
A doberman guard dog that was supposed to have been protecting a plethora of rare teddy bears went on a massive killing spree in London, destroying multiple stuffed bears, including a $75,000 1909 Steif bear named Mabel that had been previously owned and prized by Elvis Presley.
The worst kind of prejudice in our minds is the stupid kind, and British theme park Alton Towers has just canceled their horribly prejudiced, sexist and retarded "National Muslim Fun Day." During this magical afternoon, the park would ban alcohol sales, music and gambling, and all of their popular rides and attractions would be segregated by sex.
For those of you that live in Montana, far away from the hustle, bustle and danger of the big cities and coasts, you now have something to fear besides an errant cow in the middle of your (dirt) road; alligators.
Chrysler/Jeep has issued a massive recall to all owners of a 2002-2006 Jeep Liberty, fearing that the 800,000+ vehicles on the road could have catastrophic steering failure, resulting in their small SUV flipping off the road and exploding in a ball of fire that would give hack-tastic director Brett Ratner an erection.
A phone survey of 1,100 Americans showed that the majority of those called claimed that they had healthy eating habits, proving that fat people do indeed lie to not only themselves, but others as well. Plus, 40 percent of obese people interviewed in the study claimed to "vigorously exercise" three times a week. Yeah right.
Thanks to the epic popularity of Myspace.com, Monster.com founder Jeff Taylor has launched Eons.com, a Myspace of sorts for the 50+ crowd, which tracks your friends and even alerts you when they've died.
In the aftermath of his drunken driving, Jew-bashing weekend in Malibu, Mel Gibson has already tried to correct his behavior in the midst of reports of his suicidal thoughts and anti-Semitic past. Now, Mad Mel has decided it's time to reach out to the Jewish community, but this time without reaching with a rope or flaming torch and instead with compassion.
We can understand the reasoning behind a minor wanting to use a stolen identification card; you can drink legally. But whenever you are over the age of 21 and pretending to be someone else, either everything is not quite right up there or you've got some serious criminal problems going on with your real self.