Topic: Embarrassment
The most embarrassing thing that one can possibly have happen to oneself would be to have an army of pint-sized girls with berets and pigtails serving you lawsuit papers to your door because you did not pay for the cookies that you bought.
Welcome to the peronal hell of 12 residents of Akron, Ohio, who learned that the Scouts are unwilling to eat the cost of the cookies that were unpaid for (did you get the pun? did you!?! - ed.), some totaling as much as, wait for it... $3,500.00.
The loser who owes $3,500 has agreed to a $100 a month payment plan and swears that the cookies she bought were for others to sell, and not for her own fat fucking ass. Even though we don't believe that shit for a second.
Posted by James
at 3:52 PM CDT
DUI defendant Joshua J. Beury made a huge mistake when showing up in court to plead not guilty to his charges yesterday afternoon; he showed up drunker than when he was previously arrested. He had blown a .17 when he was taken into custody after crashing his car in November, but in court, he decided the best way to calm his nerves was to drink so much beer that he blew a .20.
A 30-year-old former Marine who currently teaches a former of strength-training martial arts at a Utah gym took down a man who after recently being arrested from jail for assault walked out of a 7-11 convenience store without paying for a carton of cigarettes and punched a female clerk in the face.
An Indian restaurant has finally given Adolf Hitler his nod to greatness by calling themselves "Hitler's Cross" and using the Nazi motif in their design and signage. Oh wait, that's not a good thing... that's awful.
A German robber who held up a woman in her apartment was caught at the airport after his victim saw him waiting to board the same flight she was about to take back home from Turkey.
Washington state is reeling after a sudden rise in attacks by a species of violent, rabid raccoons, which have claimed 10 cats, one dog and a woman's arm in the recent past.
Swedish news station SVT News accidentally aired a 5-minute clip of hardcore Czech pornography during a newsbreak recently. The monitor which was showing the porn was one of many in a bank of video screens in the background behind the anchorman, who showed no knowledge of the goings-on behind him throughout his news reading.
18 men held in an Indonesian prison escaped over the weekend by blinding guards with liquified chili peppers in water bottles to held aide in their freedom excursion.
While we were rummaging through the awful events of our world in The Dallas Morning News while sitting on the can, we discovered probably the funniest story of the day, that we have yet to find on the Web. So because of the absolute ridiculous hilarity of the story, we're going to type it here for your reading pleasure.
In recent weeks, it seems as if every Democrat on the planet has pulled out a blade and begun to twist it into the back of Senator Joe Lieberman, whom is on the compaign trail, attempting to win his re-election. Now, another former leftist loser is helping out with the back-stabbing. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, once again John Kerry is attempting to keep his name in the news by blasting Joey L. for something that Kerry knows much about; campaigning while losing.
An Indian man with a very rare case of diphallus, or having two wangs, has decided that he is going to have one of them removed so that he can get married and "live a normal life," or some crap like that.
Today's happy birthday goes out to President Bill Clinton, who turns 60-years-old, making him now too old to run around his offices in Harlem chasing interns, mail room workers and anybody under the age of thirty.
After a drought for a week from the weekly DSCC email, we're back in business, coming to you this week from California's own resident lady of insanity, Senator Barbara Boxer. And please note that we hold nothing against the Democratic party, but cannot fucking stand Sen. Boxer. Let's see what idiotic crap is spewed from her nutzoid mouth.
Seventeen-year-old Jakub Voboril has just made himself the biggest target in the entire state of Kansas by becoming the only person in the country to get perfect scores on both the ACT and SAT. His 36 and 2400 mean that not only is he one smart son of a bitch, but he's probably soft and pink, which means good for punching.
In the scheme of technology, politics have never really caught up. Sure, all candidates have Web sites and groups of political activists such as Moveon.org have firmly shown their strength. But it's the candidates themselves that have never really grasped the popularity of this "Series of Tubes."
More evidence was laid in stone recently proving that women with breast implants will live longer. An Israeli woman who was near the explosion of a Lebanese rocket was saved when the shrapnel from the blast penetrated her chest, but instead of destroying her organs, were caught in the sweet buttery goodness of her huge honkin' implants.
An entire family in Germany is on the verge of being evicted because their late night prayer sessions are keeping up the whole building. The praying begins sometimes as late as 2:30am, and if you think that is weird, wait until you hear what the patriarc of the religious family has to say.
An American man in Thailand who was looking for a teaching job admitted to the murder of 6-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago when he was in the United States after being arrested for some reason by the Thai police. He has since been detained and is expected to be extradited to the States for a formal interrogation.
Three months ago, the powers that be that were in charge of the daily operation of the Heart of Darko took a good long look at our flagging readership and noticed that when we posted stuff that you couldn't find on regular sites, we were a hit. Other than that, we sucked, because no one wants to read our stupid little jokes about Lebanon (no seriously. that commentor on Saturday called us a "dick bag" - ed.).