Topic: Media
Three months ago, the powers that be that were in charge of the daily operation of the Heart of Darko took a good long look at our flagging readership and noticed that when we posted stuff that you couldn't find on regular sites, we were a hit. Other than that, we sucked, because no one wants to read our stupid little jokes about Lebanon (no seriously. that commentor on Saturday called us a "dick bag" - ed.).
So we decided that unless it was a current event in which our HQ was burning, we'd stick to the news that you'd never hear about in the mainstream press. Partly because they don't have the time, and partly because they can't run a story about the World Series of Strip Poker on CNN.
What does this have to do with anything? When we created this idea in 2004, we were sure that we were going to be a hit. So was Nick Denton, who launched Sploid shortly after. And today, Sploid dies. While you will still be able to view the archives and read past stories, there will be no new support or posting.
While we haven't always agreed with the political and hypocritical message that has come from the site, we have used it to help read the news that falls between the cracks. Their humorous prose either made us wince, scratch our noggin or giggle while peeing.
So thank you Sploid, for being around and proving that a blog without posts will never work. An experiment in futility? Perhaps. Good daily reading? You bet.
It was 29 years ago today that The King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley was found dead in Graceland, hunched over on the throne of heart failure caused from his drug use.
Magician David Copperfield has shocked absolutely no one with the announcement that he's found the Fountain of Youth in the Bahamas, smack in the middle of a tiny group of islands the moronic jackass paid $50 million for recently.
Three Mexican fisherman who were thought to be dead have been found by a Taiwanese fishing crew more than eleven months after they vanished. They were picked up over 5,000 miles away from their home city of San Blas.
One of our favorite lines from any movie comes early in City Slickers where, riding horses, the three NYC gents are discussing a pretty blonde girl that is on the cattle drive with them. The following exhange is classic:
A Homeland Security report has been released by the Associated Press, in which it is clearly stated that airport X-ray scanners cannot detect possible shoe bombs, as they are unable to differentiate between your footwear's material and expolisve devices. The upshot? It doesn't matter, because you're meant to be treated like a piece of crap and still need to take off your shoes, unless you enjoy body cavity searches.
When we were last in Scottsdale (earlier this January - ed.), the city had just instituted a new system of speed cameras on the 101 to stop people from going over the 65 mph limit. These were also used throughout the town to enforce lower speeds. Even though we were in a rental car, we still respected the cameras... except for these two times when it was just too tempting.
Researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha have discovered a link between hot dog consumption and altered DNA in people, which could lead to a strange form of cancer. Specifically, colon cancer, which we kind of expected, since everytime we've eaten more than one hot dog, our colon has felt like a train was smashing through it.
We always find it interesting that a year and a half before the next Presidential election, candidates begin the stumping. This activity has always started each election season in Iowa, where the state fair is suddenly packed with candidates from both parties hoping to kiss enough ass and eat enough crap carnival food to impress the locals into believing that they're sincere and normal guys, instead of the rich cads that they are.
Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, leader of the radical group Hizbollah, claimed that the terrorist organization had won a strategic battle against Israel after the agreement of a cease-fire, proving that even those against freedom and peace have public relations flack to help them iron out their bad image.
We first saw a Segway self-balancing scooter at the West Palm Beach International Airport, where a meter maid was sitting on his mobile dorkmobile putting a parking ticket under our rental car's wiper blade. While we hid in the bushes and waiting for him to roll his fat ass away, we noticed that learning how to ride on a Segway would take getting some used to, and if this person was a novice, then we could take him by surprise by our Pontiac G6 crap car and get away scot free.
Living in the downtown area of a major city, we are very used to some of the dumbest criminals known to exist. However, none of them even holds a candle to Jeffrey Moore of Deposit, New York.
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has announced that they have accepted a cease-fire agreement with Hizbollah. While no details have been released, this undoubtedly means the return of the captured Israeli soldier.
A group of ten horny manatees entertained a large group of spectators in Longboat Key, Florida, after chasing a female into shallow water and duking it out for her affection, proving once again just how similar manatees are to drunken guys in a bar.
Former Hollywood agent Jamie Gold (no relation to Ari of Entourage - ed.) eliminated a 25-year-old restaurant manager earlier this morning to win $12 million in the 2006 World Series of Poker. Gold, who previously said he wanted no part of the fame that would be doled out to him if he did win, is now the most famous poker player in the world, even though he could spend the rest of his life burning money and not have to worry about going broke.
A plane run by Brazilian airline TAM Airlines landed without further excitement after one of its doors fell off during takeoff and smashed in a supermarket parking lot. The plane was apparently a very old Dutch model that doesn't have the best flight record, including Brazil's worst airline disaster in 1996.
After months of reading how every actor and actress in Hollywood is stumbling with alcohol abuse, from Lindsay Hohan's constant partying to Mel Gibson's drunken ant-Jew tirade (thanks for bringing back the phrase "sugar tits" Mel! - ed.), the delicious substance has taken another one of LaLa Land's favorites: Mr. Robin Williams.
Our animal alert mode has been set off since the Snakehead fish first came into our peripheral. Then the bass with the human-like teeth was caught shortly before panda bears started to produce offspring like never before. Now otters, those lovable little water mammals who do the cute human things with their hands, have joined these other three monsters and are going after us as well, taking out our first level of protection; our guard dogs.
That title is not entirely true, but we did not want to ruin the kicker of one of the funniest stories we have ever heard.