Topic: World News
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has announced that they have accepted a cease-fire agreement with Hizbollah. While no details have been released, this undoubtedly means the return of the captured Israeli soldier.
Although no one has mentioned it and anything that comes close to it is speculation, it looks as if Israel's recent massive offensive is the reason. Plus, Hizbollah probably realized that they fired off way too many missiles without really doing that much damage.
We also have no word on Mel Gibson's thoughts on this, but we can be sure they're not very good.
Posted by James
at 9:23 PM CDT
A group of ten horny manatees entertained a large group of spectators in Longboat Key, Florida, after chasing a female into shallow water and duking it out for her affection, proving once again just how similar manatees are to drunken guys in a bar.
Former Hollywood agent Jamie Gold (no relation to Ari of Entourage - ed.) eliminated a 25-year-old restaurant manager earlier this morning to win $12 million in the 2006 World Series of Poker. Gold, who previously said he wanted no part of the fame that would be doled out to him if he did win, is now the most famous poker player in the world, even though he could spend the rest of his life burning money and not have to worry about going broke.
A plane run by Brazilian airline TAM Airlines landed without further excitement after one of its doors fell off during takeoff and smashed in a supermarket parking lot. The plane was apparently a very old Dutch model that doesn't have the best flight record, including Brazil's worst airline disaster in 1996.
After months of reading how every actor and actress in Hollywood is stumbling with alcohol abuse, from Lindsay Hohan's constant partying to Mel Gibson's drunken ant-Jew tirade (thanks for bringing back the phrase "sugar tits" Mel! - ed.), the delicious substance has taken another one of LaLa Land's favorites: Mr. Robin Williams.
Our animal alert mode has been set off since the Snakehead fish first came into our peripheral. Then the bass with the human-like teeth was caught shortly before panda bears started to produce offspring like never before. Now otters, those lovable little water mammals who do the cute human things with their hands, have joined these other three monsters and are going after us as well, taking out our first level of protection; our guard dogs.
That title is not entirely true, but we did not want to ruin the kicker of one of the funniest stories we have ever heard.
Politics are only second to religion for starting heated, vile discussions between two people. And thanks to CBS News Video, we have footage of one such debate in Florida between a left-leaning candidate for local office (who happens to own a string of topless clubs - ed.) and his polar opposite, a Republican radio host.
Three different panda births in the past three days have raised alarm in mostly us, worrying that the stupid bears have finally figured out how to reproduce and will soon have armys powerful enough to break free of their human captors and run amok across the globe, destroying croplands and caging humans in some weird Panet of the Bears society.
A Las Vegas defense attorney who was supposed to argue a kidnapping case ended up receiving a mistrial for his efforts after showing up to court slurring his words and reaking of tequila.
A 15-year-old girl in New Jersey slammed into her mother with the family car during a driving lesson while she was attempting to learn how to parallel park, causing massive internal injuries and pinning her under the Suburban. She later died on the scene after being trapped beneath the massive SUV for hours.
A Venezuelan stand up comedian by the name of Benjamin Rausseo has launched his campaign for the Presidency of the embattled country and is swearing that his candidacy is for real and he hopes to oust the internationally unpopular current President, one Hugo Chavez.
A bar in Beijing, China, has just opened up a new idea that we consider to be one of the most innovative and genius ways of getting more females into your establishment ever. Since April 2006, the bar has hired twenty young muscular men to stand still while patrons pay as low as $6.25 to wail on them, brutalize, punch and smash things on their bodies and heads.
A long stretch of Pennsylvania road has claimed two brothers in two separate motorcycle accidents two hours apart from each other. Jeremy Kerr was headed to the scene of his brothers fatal accident on Route 38 when he failed to pay attention and smashed into the back of a car stopped in traffic caused by his older brother's wreck.
When we moved into our latest apartment three years ago, the complex tried to start our stay here on an epic level, by loading up our fridge with a quart of milk, a frozen pizza, and two slices of bread. A woman in Germany who moved into her new apartment found an equally packed refrigerator, except she had better unpack her pots and pans, because she received a dead, frozen canine in her freezer.
After moving from Wisconsin and South Dakota to Texas at age 4, we lived in the town of Commerce, home at the time to East Texas State University, where our father was teaching. A few years passed and our dad moved on to better things. So did ETSU. They became Texas A&M-Commerce, and we took college classes there during the summers and our senior year of high school, almost earning enough college hours to be a sophomore when we went to the real Texas A&M in College Station.
2006 Tour de France winner Floyd Landis failed his "B" sample this morning, confirmed reports that he did in fact take testosterone during his massive comeback to win this year's crown of all cycling races.
This week's DSCC email comes to us from the smile of one Senator John Edwards, who still remains the only person to have their headshot grace the email's contents, reminding us of his smile and who exactly he is. The subject? Callous Disregard. This should be a good one.
Internet gambling site BetUS.com has begun to take bets on whether Cuban dictator Fidel Castro will die from complications fromthe surgery he underwent earlier this week. Over 3,000 bets have been placed, with the stakes depending on whether the dictator will die in September or October.