Topic: Technology
To close out our odd week, we turn to The Daily Show, who have come to some agreement to help get Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens, Chair of the Senate Commerce Committee, and his key message about the Internet, or as he calls them, "Internets," out to the general public.
For those of you that don't have speakers (you people would get along GREAT with Ted - ed.), we're putting his smartest quotes below.
"The Internet is not something that you just something on. It's not a big truck, it's a series of tubes."
"And if you don't understand that those tubes can be filled, and if they're filled when you put your message in it, it gets in line, it's gonna be delayed by anyone who puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."
"Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I... just the other day, got Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday, I got it yesterday."
Finally, someone like Ted "Series of Tubes" Stevens comes along to give us the perfect understanding of just how important the Internets are and how our own Internet tubes can be clogged with enormous amounts of material. That cleared everything up.
This week's DSCC email comes from the one and only mind of Senator Patrick Leahy, who is showing his ire over the Guantanamo prison SNAFU. So what does the distinguished whiner have to say? Let's take a look.
When we were the tender age of 12, our grandmother gave us a drink from her beer, and our love affair with Coors Light began. 14 years later, we've discovered other liquified forms of the beverage, but we still always find ourselves purchasing a fresh 12 pack of the Silver Bullet every now and then.
When Andrew Larkey looks into the eyes of your dog, he sees them thirst for more that simply your love. He sees them thirst for a new product that can either be described as genius or lunacy; Aqua Dog.
After the heartbreak of not winning the NBA championship after a tremendously successful season, the first thing the Dallas Mavericks had on their plate was to resign their fantastic point/shooting guard Jason "Jet" Terry, something that they accomplished today.
In the aftermath of a daylight border-crossing raid by Hizbollah guerrillas that left seven Israeli solders dead and two kidnapped, it would appear that the militant Lebanese group has accidentally called down the international thunder, starting with Israeli labeling the raid as an "act of war."
France's legendary footballer Zenidine Zidane spoke out about his expulsion from the World Cup Soccer Finals match for head butting Italy's Marco Materazzi late in the second overtime. As expected, he did not mention exactly what was said, but noted that it was comments about his sister and mother that set him off, something that Materazzi vehemently denied saying. Then again, MM also said he didn't know what an Islamic terrorist is, so it's kind of hard to believe him and his track record of thuggery over a fantastic player like Zidane.
While we're not fans of the ACLU, we believe that there is a need for them every now and then throughout our history. However, the case we are going to be describing in a moment is one of those where human rights suits went way too far and have become a parody of themselves.
Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett, who famously left the band, being replaced by David Gilmour before the band's massive hit "Dark Side of the Moon," died a few days ago of unknown complications. He had been a diabetic for years.
The Mexican currency has never been valued at a very high level. When we went to Tijuana at a young age, it was somewhere in the $1US equals some odd hundreds of pesos. Now it's roughly 52.20 pesos per dollar. So why are smugglers so interested in shipping the one peso coins overseas? Because the older coins contain high amounts of copper and nickel, making each coin worth about 3.50 pesos each, thus meaning a tidy profit.
Maverick candidate for Texas Governor Kinky Friedman has won yet another battle to get his victory, as he will be listed as Richard "Kinky" Friedman on the November ballot. His other independent opponent, Carole Keeton Strayhorn, will not, however, be allowed to use the nickname "Grandma" on hers, even though we didn't even know anyone called her this.
Three Dallas area school districts have become the first to ban the wearing of idiotic "grillz" in the mouths of their students. These stupid pieces of "jewelry" go over the teeth and are made to be pretty much just a shiny way to make you talk like you have a mouthful of shit.
Parkland Memorial Hospital is the type of medical facility that we would not step foot in. This is not because the medical staff is incompetent (Parkland is notorious for having some of the best staff in the nation - ed.), or because it's in a bad location (which it is), but because of its overpowering smell, which seems to be a combination of urine and week old semen.
Much was made in the first two episodes of the third season of Entourage about James Cameron's Aquaman beating Spiderman as the biggest opening ever by raking in $116 million. So much for that fantasy. Now, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 absolutely crushed this by hauling in a massive $132 million, making Johnny Depp the biggest drunken, odd, careening movie star on the planet, meaning no one will ever call him Edward Scissorhands again.
Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin is in a lot of trouble for his DUI car accident last month, during which time he was thought to have been masturbating while driving intoxicated to his home. Griffin smashed into three cars before lurching to a stop, penis in drunken hand. We turn to Deadspin now, who has the full lawsuit linked on their page and the best excerpt quoted for those of you in a hurry.
As former Verizon wireless and current Sprint PCS fans, we've never been big on Cingular. We think they're overpriced and don't care about their customers, only using their "cool new phones" to draw people in. Looks like we were righter than we could've guessed.