Topic: Stupidity
Three morons in Atlanta were caught trying to ruin Pepsi by selling them Coke's secrets. The three include an executive assistant who stole secrets, paperwork and a top secret new project.In our opinion though, Pepsi has nothing to worry about, since Coke is the one in desperation mode after the failure of Coke Blak (why not just call it Coke Negro for pete's sake? - ed.). That and we hate Coke products. If we wanted to take the roof off of our mouths, burn out sinuses and melt our taste buds, we'd just go drink a bottle of Montezuma tequila.
AP via YAHOO! NEWS
Posted by James
at 9:47 PM CDT
Florida has lately been in the news, especially with their own fare amount of stupidity. This story comes to us from Daytona Beach, where the Fourth of July weekend was marred by a dumbass cop who wasn't paying attention to his job... or where his truck was headed.
Atlantic City, New Jersey, has long been a haven for gamblers, old people and boxing aficionados. Now, thanks to the state of New Jersey wanting more than their fair share and not even being able to afford their casino inspectors' payrolls (even while earning $1.3 million a day off of the casinos - ed.), every casino in Atlantic City has been shut down as of midnight this morning.
Greek scientists have determined that a new breed of Greek super-mosquitoes are the result of pollution, smog and cramped living conditions in Athens, where the population of these massive blood suckers has soared, thanks to all the nooks and crannies where they can lay their eggs.
Former corrupt bastard and Enron CEO Ken Lay has been found dead in his Colorado vacation home of what authorities are calling a massive heart attack, which either means poisoning, hanging, beaten to death, or shot in the face. Or suicide.
The idiot Michigan teenage girl who attempted to fly to the West Bank to be with a dude she met on networking Web site Myspace.com won't have to be supervised by the court because she's retarded. Instead, she'll be remanded to her parent's custody and will have to forfeit her passport, all because she couldn't get a date in America.
A Jordanian who was attempting to embezzler more than $23,000 from a Dubai money exchange was busted when an employee noticed the picture ID he was using was had a photo of Brad Pitt on it.
This week's Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee email comes from last election's Vice Presidential candidate, one John Edwards, who is pretty much the epitome of everything that's wrong with out country. Sure, he's not an idiot, but he obviously thinks that to get elected, all you need is a smile and long eyelashes. JE, take a lesson from JFK; you gotta have ideas also. So we dive right in to Senator Edwards' email to us, which was delivered under the title "Wreckage." Should be fun:
After crushing the competition at the Tour de France and setting multiple records including longest winning streak, Lance Armstrong can now get away from allegations that he was doping, even though no proof was ever offered to support this. But what of the future performers such as Ivan Basso and Jan Ulrich, who were always one short step behind Armstrong?
An unbelievable development occurred today in the Middle East, as eleven Iraqi insurgent groups offered to stop attacking coalition forces if the United States agreed to a two year pullout from the region.
A New Orleans security guard who was upset with one of his hotel's guests for suggesting that he had a better military service record than said guard became so incensed that he drew his 40 Smith & Wesson handgun and fired one shot into the man's face.
Here's a nice little short story from recently unemployed anchor Dan Rather, who was ousted after his unverified Bush National Guard Memo story and has since been replaced with Katie Couric, the Queen of Perk. In a recent interview with the Washington Post, Rather was asked numerous questions about Memogate, CBS News and finally, Ms. Couric. Here's the transcript:
Borneo is perhaps one of the most highly inhabited places on the planet for rare, new and interesting species, including the giant Anacondas from Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid, which appear to have traveled from South America, their native land, across the Pacific Ocean and then up into Borneo just to mate (they're like salmon! - ed.).
A Spokane, Washington, veteran police officer has been fired for flashing his penis to a 23-year-old barista (self-imposed fancy name for coffee server - ed.) because he thought she was attracted to him. Since being fired, insult was added to this stupidity as he was charged with indecent exposure. The officer has since apologized, yet other officers are still shocked that he had actually done such a thing.
Last week, The New York Times decided it would print a story regarding the United States using a Belgium-based organization to look for possible terrorist messages in international funds transfers. The organization, SWIFT, Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication, has worked with the Bush administration to locate possible terrorist activity and halt it. However, the NYT figured this was a bunch of crap and violation of privacy and decided to run the article, which crippled, and possibly killed the program.
American pharmaceutical firm Pfizer, makers of such wonder drugs as Viagra and probably a bunch of others, has announced that they're joining your baby's favorite company, Johnson & Johnson, to create possibly the creepiest drug and medical manufacturing firm in the world. The $16.6 billion deal will give Pfizer a whopping $13.5 billion in profits, all of which will be spent on literal ten-foot-tall solid gold penises for all executives at the company.