Topic: Politics
As we reported last week, Hillary Rodham Horse-humping Clinton was attempting to squeeze money out of us for her upcoming reelection campaign, i.e. her "me for pres" push. And now, another former Presidential candidate who tried to get by on good looks and NO experience is at it again, sending us emails begging for money that is desperately needed to stop the demon that is President Bush, even though this "son of a mill worker" is anything but poor and has WAY more money than we could ever spend on strippers. The completely odd thing is that instead of using his own image, he used a picture of balding Senator Ron Wyden.If we thought that Edwards would make a good leader (or were women - ed.), we would donate the $75,000 that he needs to "stop George W. Bush." Wait a second. $75,000 is all it takes to stop George W. Bush? What're they doing, hiring a drunken hitman?
DSCC.ORG
Posted by James
at 1:34 PM CST
Updated: Friday, 24 March 2006 1:36 PM CST
A new series of intelligence documents out of Iraq shows a bunch of scary shit, including Russian officials informing Saddam Hussein about U.S. troop movement and strength before Operation Iraqi Freedom and linking Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban directly to Saddam Hussein. Oh yeah, and it also offers proof that Saddam and OBL had in fact been conspiring to attack targets inside the United States. We're going to let the documents speak for themselves below.
Say you had a new type of collagen that you wanted to test on humans, but no one would be willing to allow their lips to be possibly destroyed by your experimental product. What would you do?
A scandal is brewing about the supposed "quitting" of Issac Hayes from the fantastic show South Park. It has been broken by Page Six and Foxnews.com that Hayes did not quit, and in fact that a fellow Scientologist issued that news release saying that he had.
Sometimes Canadians can be really, really stupid. Like, all the time. However, if this works, this is possibly the smartest Canadian ever.
Savanna Samson is talented. Let us tell you that we've watched hours of footage just to determine how talented she really is. Oh shit we didn't mean to say that.
Miami dancer Alice Alyse (yes, that's her real name - ed.) who was let go from the Broadway show "Movin' Out" because her breasts had grown too big for her costume has sued for $100 million because of emotional abuse, leading us to believe that this is the largest lawsuit ever regarding a woman's boobs.
Even thought it was widely reported on yesterday, we didn't get a chance to touch on the story of the cat in South Carolina who survived an 80-foot flop out of a tree in her backyard. The entire thing was caught on video, and the good editors at Sploid got the screen grab to the right, which even though is completely awful, is somehow hilarious at the same time.
Debra Lafave, the 25-year-old hot teacher who was so desperate to get a date that she banged her teenage student, has just had extraneous charges against her dropped in a plea bargain that will keep her under house arrest for three years and on probation for seven. Plus, she has to file as a sexual predator (hottest sexual predator we've ever seen - ed.) and will lose her teaching license forever.
A recent report has shown that airlines across the world are having severe problems doing their jobs and lost an estimated 30 million bags in 2005, with over 200,000 of them just disappearing completely. If they had done their jobs right, they would've saved some $2.5 billion. Nice.
How we did not hear about this, we cannot imagine. Oh yes, we were drunk, but thank god in the Uptown area of Dallas and not the D-town suburb of Irving, Texas. Irving police on Friday, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day, for all you blacker-outers - ed.) decided that if you wanted to go out for some reveling and have a good time partaking in alcoholic beverages, well your little ass is just going straight to jail.
This topic should be called "national embarrassment" after today's announcement from the New Orleans Police Department stating that four officers who were seen in the Kid's Clothing section of a Wal-mart grabbing clothes were in fact, not looting, but only derelict of their duties to stop the people that kept running past them with TVs. Now, Assistant Police Chief Marlon Defillo said that the officers were cleared because they were taking clothing for other officers who were "soaking wet."
This past weekend was an exciting one for sports fans. The NCAA tournament went full swing in its first weekend, as multiple first round matches took out some of the top seeded teams and completely ruined our brackets. But besides this massive spectacle coming to Dallas and entertaining us for three straight days, another issue has gotten stuck in our craw.
When a mother cat in Tunisia gave birth to her first litter, the owner received an unexpected shock, when it appeared that the mother kitten had, in fact, given birth to a rat. The diminutive offspring has the same facial features and size of a full grown field mouse, despite popping out of a full grown domestic short hair feline.
FRIDAY: Drink up bitches, it's Saint Patrick's Day! Even though everything that happens on Saint Patrick's Day, the drinking, the booze, the lipstick lesbians, would have been frowned upon by Saint Patrick. But who cares, he's dead, right? Green beer is calling.
A distraught man who had been breaking into houses and cars after being dumped with his girlfriend used an interesting tactic to keep the police back from arresting him. First, he would emerge from the kitchen with a handful of knives and start chucking them at any nearby officers. When he ran out of sharp objects, however, he decided that he had something else he could throw.
A bomb-sniffing dog who hadn't yet had his lunchtime Kibble "hit" on a hot dog vendor's cart before the NCAA tournament was set to being in San Diego. The entire arena was evacuated and 12,000 people were kept away from the building for two hours.