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Savanna Samson is talented. Let us tell you that we've watched hours of footage just to determine how talented she really is. Oh shit we didn't mean to say that.
Miami dancer Alice Alyse (yes, that's her real name - ed.) who was let go from the Broadway show "Movin' Out" because her breasts had grown too big for her costume has sued for $100 million because of emotional abuse, leading us to believe that this is the largest lawsuit ever regarding a woman's boobs.
Even thought it was widely reported on yesterday, we didn't get a chance to touch on the story of the cat in South Carolina who survived an 80-foot flop out of a tree in her backyard. The entire thing was caught on video, and the good editors at Sploid got the screen grab to the right, which even though is completely awful, is somehow hilarious at the same time.
Debra Lafave, the 25-year-old hot teacher who was so desperate to get a date that she banged her teenage student, has just had extraneous charges against her dropped in a plea bargain that will keep her under house arrest for three years and on probation for seven. Plus, she has to file as a sexual predator (hottest sexual predator we've ever seen - ed.) and will lose her teaching license forever.
A recent report has shown that airlines across the world are having severe problems doing their jobs and lost an estimated 30 million bags in 2005, with over 200,000 of them just disappearing completely. If they had done their jobs right, they would've saved some $2.5 billion. Nice.
How we did not hear about this, we cannot imagine. Oh yes, we were drunk, but thank god in the Uptown area of Dallas and not the D-town suburb of Irving, Texas. Irving police on Friday, March 17 (St. Patrick's Day, for all you blacker-outers - ed.) decided that if you wanted to go out for some reveling and have a good time partaking in alcoholic beverages, well your little ass is just going straight to jail.
This topic should be called "national embarrassment" after today's announcement from the New Orleans Police Department stating that four officers who were seen in the Kid's Clothing section of a Wal-mart grabbing clothes were in fact, not looting, but only derelict of their duties to stop the people that kept running past them with TVs. Now, Assistant Police Chief Marlon Defillo said that the officers were cleared because they were taking clothing for other officers who were "soaking wet."
This past weekend was an exciting one for sports fans. The NCAA tournament went full swing in its first weekend, as multiple first round matches took out some of the top seeded teams and completely ruined our brackets. But besides this massive spectacle coming to Dallas and entertaining us for three straight days, another issue has gotten stuck in our craw.
When a mother cat in Tunisia gave birth to her first litter, the owner received an unexpected shock, when it appeared that the mother kitten had, in fact, given birth to a rat. The diminutive offspring has the same facial features and size of a full grown field mouse, despite popping out of a full grown domestic short hair feline.
FRIDAY: Drink up bitches, it's Saint Patrick's Day! Even though everything that happens on Saint Patrick's Day, the drinking, the booze, the lipstick lesbians, would have been frowned upon by Saint Patrick. But who cares, he's dead, right? Green beer is calling.
A distraught man who had been breaking into houses and cars after being dumped with his girlfriend used an interesting tactic to keep the police back from arresting him. First, he would emerge from the kitchen with a handful of knives and start chucking them at any nearby officers. When he ran out of sharp objects, however, he decided that he had something else he could throw.
A bomb-sniffing dog who hadn't yet had his lunchtime Kibble "hit" on a hot dog vendor's cart before the NCAA tournament was set to being in San Diego. The entire arena was evacuated and 12,000 people were kept away from the building for two hours.
The United States military announced today that they had begun their largest air offensive in three years in Iraq and had already taken weapons caches that included thousands of guns, rounds of ammo, bombs and bomb-making materials.
There are times when every driver has done something to their car where they instantaneously thought "well that was stupid. Who's gonna pay for that?" Curtis Gokey had one of these moments.
As we checked our email for the fourteenth time in a row, hoping to see that our insurance payment had not bounced out of our massively overspent checking account, we received the first of undoubtedly many emails that we will receive from political candidates in the 2006 election season. Who, you might ask was it from? A candidate whose district we are in? Nay.
If we swore more, we'd be saying something really bad right now. Who are we kidding, we'll swear away. What. The. Fuck.
Jay Leno is a nice guy. We've had the opportunity to meet him once, and we can say that he's a really nice guy, which is why it's even more of a shame that he's a shitty comedian. He used to be good, but then he got the spot on The Tonight Show and ruined himself instead of making it his own like Steve Allen or Johnny Carson. He's the Saturday Night Live of late night: a mad-lib comedian with current/popular words and subjects inserted into the jokes.
Despite it being tax season, when they make all of their money, it's not a good time to be H&R Block, the world's largest tax preparer. After getting caught by the IRS for not disclosing tens of millions in income and being forced to pay the government $32 million to solve the problem, New York Attorney General Eliot "I'm Not a Ratboy" Spitzer has decided that it's time to knock the giant down off of their peg again and has hit them with a fraud charge, alleging that they deliberately led clients to purchase IRAs that they knew would lose money.
