Topic: National News
The U.S. Air Force, ever the purveyors of modern technology, have created an M60 machine gun-sized laser rifle designed to temporarily blind assailants, hippies, puppies, or whatever you please. The non-lethal "weapon" weighs about 9 kilos and is fired from the shoulder into crowds, where it emits a low-level laser pulse that is equivalent to making someone stare into the sun.Wipe away the drool, because you won't be buying a laser gun and pretending to be Han Solo for years. It's only in prototype form and won't be available for military use for years, much less home protection. So don't throw the shotgun in the dumpster just yet and tell Cobra Commander that he'll have to wait to try and poison the world's water supply or whatever James Bondian scheme he's got planned now.
JANE'S
Posted by James
at 2:20 PM CST
Since the death penalty came into being in 1977, almost 1000 people have been executed in the United States. 999, to be exact. That number was reached at midnight this morning in Ohio, where a man who strangled his mother in law and then his daughter to help cover up the first murder was put to death.
Politics are a big part of sports. They always have had ramifications on the game and always will. But Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter might have crossed the line by first defending the behavior of Eagles star receiver Terrell Owens, but only before hitting back at Owens verbally and then supporting him again. All in a space of mere seconds. Take a read:
For the utmost of stupidity when testing brand new automobiles on television, look no closer than to Michael Sprecht. After proposing a segment on Stern TV, Sprecht approached Mercedes Benz to test the S-class's accident avoidance system, to which Mercedes engineers immediately pointed out that in the way Sprecht wanted to test the cars, they would fail in doing so.
To welcome back everyone to this wonderful Monday after Thanksgiving, we thought we'd get things kicked off with a little embarrassment for Texas to knock your ass in to gear.
Well everybody, we're out of here. Gotta go and cram a bottle of Wild Turkey up a chicken's ass and hope no one notices the difference. And that's what we call "brining the bird."
At least 12 protesters were arrested for setting up camp outside President Bush's Crawford ranch, an act which was outlawed because of danger to vehicles and the protesters themselves, who made a mess of the rural road system. Each protester would be charged with criminal trespassing, which is not as cool as it sounds, people, trust us.
A man who was breaking in women's windows and asking them to touch his exposed wee-wee learned not to do so anymore the hard way. Fort Myers Beach Police chased the man after finding him outside a woman's home and shot him with a taser... right in his gear.
So the Xbox 360 came out this morning. We, as warm-blooded males, want one worse than anything in the world. However, it's not going to happen until at least the new year. Why? Because people like the idiot below are snatching up not only every one they can see, but ones that haven't even been purchased by their original seller.
Hottie teacher/14-year-old sexaholic Debra LeFave of Tampa was given three years of house arrest and seven years of probation after pleading guilty to boring her middle school student in the classroom and the back of a car that was being driven around by the boy's 15-year-old cousin. This once again proves that Martha Stewart's home incarceration had bigger repercussions than previously thought, since many of the teachers who shagged their students before went to prison for years, not to their home.
Each year, the POTUS does a fabulous PR trick by pardoning a turkey from being killed and eaten on Thanksgiving. This year, however, President Bush decided that to allow the pea-brained animal to live is not merely enough, and is instead sending it to Disneyland, where the lucky bird will die of fright when it is made the honorary Grand Marshall of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Look one post down to see what we're talking about. And then hear this:
Robert "Baretta" Blake has been found liable for his wife's death, proving once again that civil attorneys kick ass and prosecutors need more schooling (we're kidding, all you attorneys! jesus don't sue us... - ed.).
An Ohio woman who left 40 kittens in a park overnight because she is both insane and capable of taking care of them has been sentenced to spend the night in the same park with no light, food or shelter, as well as paying a $3,200 fine and spending 15 days in jail and 15 days under house arrest. This accounts for the maximum penalty one can receive for dumping animals in Ohio, as well as a big old "fuck you" to animal mistreators.
Read the story that came with this photo. It's work the half-ounce pressure you'll be exerting to click your mouse. Plus, we don't want to ruin some of the greatest parenting ever with the gobbledy-gook we usually write.