Topic: Sports
We have a mere two days of games remaining before the Olympic flame is extinguished again for another four years. Now we get what you're saying: "James, what the hell do you mean? The summer Olympics will be held in 2008, right?"
That's right, but you're stupid and the summer games suck when compared to the winter games, so shut your stupid hole. Okay, they're not that bad, but they don't have half naked tiny 22-year-old girls throwing their hot selves around an ice rink for our viewing pleasure, so they'll never even come close to being as kick ass as the Winter Olympics.
Now look away if you don't want to see one of tonight's results that just occurred:
SASHA COHEN YOU BROKE OUR HEART!
Our fragile, fragile heart! How could you fall? TWICE? You're the "Sexy Gypsy!" You're better than that. But you got the Silver medal. Congratulations. You're adorable, have the flexibility of Gumby and are just a hair less gorgeous than ice skating teammate Tanith Belben. We'll let it slide, only because you got beaten by the Japanese.
Which allows us to say congratulations to the Japanese, who with the Gold medal in figure skating finally got their first medal of the 2006 Winter Olympics. Yeah. Wow.
So figure skating is done for the Olympics. America got two medals; one in Ice Dancing and one in Women's Individual. Johnny Weir flamed it up and then blew out (i can't tell whether that's a double entendre or not. good show sir! - ed. and thank you. i try.). The USA Pairs team SUCKED. Our two teenage girls got sixth and seventh, so jolly good for them. You can see them jail bait it up tonight on NBC.
NBC OLYMPICS
P.S. - And yes, we're aware we just said we watched figure skating. But think about it: hot, young, white girl ass flying through the air in flesh-colored tunics contorting their bodies in ways that make porn stars jealous. That's what we thought. Shut up.
Posted by James
at 4:18 PM CST