Topic: Animals vs. Humans
For those of you that live in Montana, far away from the hustle, bustle and danger of the big cities and coasts, you now have something to fear besides an errant cow in the middle of your (dirt) road; alligators.
Two young boys caught a 60 lb. alligator while fishing in their family's pond this past weekend. This is the first known finding of the sizable reptile in the state, meaning that many more could be in hiding.
“This thing was very aggressive,” Bryant, one of the young fisherman, said.
“It was snapping at us kids and adults,” his brother Josh noted.
The adults, being cool and always calm, freaked the fuck out, and ended up trying to kill it like bronze age warriors attempting to bring down a mammoth. After first shooting it with a bow, one of the boy's fathers decided the smartest thing to do was to go after the wounded creature with a stick by jumping into the pond and beating it before tossing it up onto the bank, where a group of men were ready to tie the bastard down.
After doing so, one of the group remembered his action movie training and attempted to slit the gator's throat with a pocket knife, which of course didn't really work. After calling the police, someone finally realized that gunpowder had been invented and shot it, thus ending its life. The gator is currently on ice at the local vets, who will attempt to figure out how the hell it got to Montana.
This is a lesson for everybody out there in Montana; if you see an alligator, you do not shoot it with a bow, hit it with a stick, or attempt to slit its throat. Guns, vehicles and hand grenades work better, you back-water jackasses.
