Topic: National News
McDonald's did the happy dance after watching their second quarter profits rise 57 percent on increased breakfast and international sales. Executives for the company offer the claim that their new premium coffee has helped to increase breakfast sales of such disgusting fare as their 9,000 calorie bagle sandwiches and their McGriddle, a combination of powdered eggs and pancakes which tastes like something that came from the ass end of Satan.
International sales were also bolstered by McDonald's participation in World Cup Soccer sponsorship, because everybody knows that athletes that run constantly for 90 minutes love nothing more after a long, sweaty game than to chow down a sandwich the size of their head that contains over 40 grams of saturated fat.
This is interesting, considering that McDonald's "Go Active" happy meal for adults, which contained such wonderful choices as an iceburg leaf lettuce salad (mmm! lack of nutrition! - ed.) and a pedometer (you can't even eat that) failed miserably. Guess it proves that what America really wants is to be hated worldwide and fat at the same time. Go eat some fries, you husky country.
