Topic: Technology
We have just recently found a story that has pulled us out of hibernation (beer drinking - ed.) to post about the stupidity. And it occurs in Texas, so it's of double importance.An Austin teenager and her mother are suing Myspace.com, the insanely popular networking Web site, for, wait for it... $30 million, because she began talking to and then met a 19-year-old who sexually assaulted her. The suit states that Myspace does not give enough security for underage users. Our opinion on why this is absolutely the most retarded lawsuit in YEARS is following.
This is tragic. She's only 14 and was sexually assaulted. BUT... she agreed to meet with the man, and not only that, but agreed to get in his car when he, cough, PICKED HER UP FROM SCHOOL and then, double cough, TOOK HER OUT TO EAT, before taking her to his apartment complex and engaging in some sexual activity. While this pedo deserves to burn in a special place in Hell reserved normally for Satan's turds, the girl's mother should sue herself for not instructing her daughter in certain things she should not do, including meeting strangers from the Internet alone without any protection.
Lauren Gelman, associate director of the Center for Internet and Society at Stanford Law School, has perhaps the best comment we could find without going into as many smutty details as we have.
"If you interact on MySpace, you are safe, but if a 13-year-old or 14-year-old goes out in person and meets someone she doesn't know, that is always an unsafe endeavor," Gelman said. "We need to teach our kids to be wary of strangers."
This is dumb shit that deserves to be thrown out of court if only for the reason that the mother deserves the blame for this, not a Web site. Personally, we think AOL Instant Messenger is more dangerous. And a bigger time waster.
AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN
Posted by James
at 11:58 PM CDT
FIFA is one of the oddest sports governing bodies in recent memory. Besides messing with the design of the classic soccer ball and creating a scoring system that would take a physicist years to figure out, they're sanctioning research studies on fans from around the world. The reason? To see which ones will die from the excitement.
After months of complaining that we've only been receiving emails from the DSCC, current Texas Governor Rick Perry came through, sending us an email message begging for support, probably because he's realizing that people finally know he's a total boob. But also because he's losing ground to the Jewish cowboy that is Kinky Friedman. So what's in the email? Let's take a look:
Today's molasses slow news day was broken up with an email from one of our country's premier WAPCEs (women are pure concentrated evil - ed.), Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi has long been a harborer of insanity, a black hole for all things ludicrous. We bet she's best friend with Barbara Boxer.
Microsoft Chairman and founder Bill Gates has announced he's leaving the company's daily duties to someone else as he'll focus more on their charitable side, still trying to prove that the big ass gorilla in the corner won't lick you limb from limb and only wants to feed your starving children.
Even though we at Heart of Darko are huge Dallas Mavericks fans, we like the Miami Heat and love listening to Shaq speak. The man is one of the funniest people ever to be interviewed at anytime. This is thanks to his great sense of humor and background as a terrible rapper and actor. His comments today were some of the funniest that we've ever heard from him, and we'd like to share. So how does Shaq take criticism that he's over the hill and can't get it done in the NBA finals?
The good folks over at Sploid have discovered a video proving that bears have finally taken one of the last steps to becoming American cartoon icon Homer Simpson. After decades of stealing picnic baskets and drinking open bottles of beer, a video has appeared of a bear taking a nap in a hammock, rocking itself ever so gently.
A German shoplifter well into the waning years of AARP membership attempted to escape from police after being caught shoplifting by biting his way out of their clutches. The only problem? He didn't have his teeth in, so he only gummed an officer pretty horrendously.
The Duke lacrosse team rape scandal gets odder by the day. First, the captain of the team comes out and blasts the stripper. Then, the team is reinstated. Now, reports are surfacing that the second dancer at the party has called the accusations by the "victim" a "crock."
A man in Germany is in some pretty big trouble after he lied to police about how a woman in his apartment died. Originally, he claimed that she choked to death while eating a sausage, but the problem is that if this were true, then she would be eating a whole fucking sausage, because that's what was rammed down her throat.
Starts in a half hour, the current line is Mavs by 5. Watch on ABC and cheer for the Dallas Mavericks! Oh wait, we're journalists and are supposed to be impartial. We meant to say cheer for either team, but secretly root for the Mavs.
An Afghani man who was described as a Taliban sympathizer was arrested on Thursday after local police in Kandahar found that the man had loaded up his prized donkey with 66 pounds of explosives, hoping to use him as a sort of organic car bomb.
Our love for all things Jack Bauer and 24 is well known. Much like an illicit drug addict, we attempt to get others around us to feed into our addiction, and now the entire world will see why. Creator and genius Joel Surnow has just inked a deal that will bring 24 to the big screen, which could possibly see the end of the series.
Al Qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in a US air raid Wednesday evening on his safe house. The body was identified by tattoos, fingerprints and dental records after being hammered by 500 pounds bombs.
A class of Florida criminology students working in a staged murder scene for their high school class found the real corpse of a dead homeless man who was lying up against a wall in a certain area of the course.
A drunk 18-year-old in South Portland, Maine decided it would be a good time to go for a joy ride in his stolen vehicle; a Dunkin' Donuts truck. The vehicle, which is shaped like a DD coffee cup and half dozen mixed donuts, led police through the streets at medium speeds until the driver ditched it and tried to escape on foot. He didn't get very far in his stumbling, bumbling manner.
The US Senate has denied a proposed bill to ban gay marriage nationally, proving that not ever body in our government is a stone-hearted bigot. The biggest argument in rejecting the ban is to leave it to the American public, which means that we can expect a higher voter turnout in November when the proposal will most likely make it to the ballot. We're talking like, at least 50% turnout.