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The Duke lacrosse team rape scandal gets odder by the day. First, the captain of the team comes out and blasts the stripper. Then, the team is reinstated. Now, reports are surfacing that the second dancer at the party has called the accusations by the "victim" a "crock."
A man in Germany is in some pretty big trouble after he lied to police about how a woman in his apartment died. Originally, he claimed that she choked to death while eating a sausage, but the problem is that if this were true, then she would be eating a whole fucking sausage, because that's what was rammed down her throat.
Starts in a half hour, the current line is Mavs by 5. Watch on ABC and cheer for the Dallas Mavericks! Oh wait, we're journalists and are supposed to be impartial. We meant to say cheer for either team, but secretly root for the Mavs.
An Afghani man who was described as a Taliban sympathizer was arrested on Thursday after local police in Kandahar found that the man had loaded up his prized donkey with 66 pounds of explosives, hoping to use him as a sort of organic car bomb.
Our love for all things Jack Bauer and 24 is well known. Much like an illicit drug addict, we attempt to get others around us to feed into our addiction, and now the entire world will see why. Creator and genius Joel Surnow has just inked a deal that will bring 24 to the big screen, which could possibly see the end of the series.
Al Qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in a US air raid Wednesday evening on his safe house. The body was identified by tattoos, fingerprints and dental records after being hammered by 500 pounds bombs.
A class of Florida criminology students working in a staged murder scene for their high school class found the real corpse of a dead homeless man who was lying up against a wall in a certain area of the course.
A drunk 18-year-old in South Portland, Maine decided it would be a good time to go for a joy ride in his stolen vehicle; a Dunkin' Donuts truck. The vehicle, which is shaped like a DD coffee cup and half dozen mixed donuts, led police through the streets at medium speeds until the driver ditched it and tried to escape on foot. He didn't get very far in his stumbling, bumbling manner.
The US Senate has denied a proposed bill to ban gay marriage nationally, proving that not ever body in our government is a stone-hearted bigot. The biggest argument in rejecting the ban is to leave it to the American public, which means that we can expect a higher voter turnout in November when the proposal will most likely make it to the ballot. We're talking like, at least 50% turnout.
Run for your lives! The Apocalypse is here! It's 6-6-06 and the crappy remake of The Omen is opening in theaters! Don't listen to insurance agents trying to sell you life insurance in this time of total destruction. What you really need is soul insurance.
A deli owner in Philadelphia has decided that he really doesn't like his business or life anymore, as he has put up a sign in his mostly Hispanic neighborhood that reads "This is America. When Ordering, Speak English." No word on whether or not he's been stabbed yet or how many bricks have been tossed through his window.
How stupid does the United States government honestly think that Iran is? Part of the incentive package being offered to the country in order to get them to stop enriching uranium is information on our nuclear technology. Yeah. And the EU is behind it, saying that with the data that the USA will give them, there will be no need to enrich uranium, something that Tehran has said has nothing to do with nuclear weapons, even though everybody knows that's a bunch of crap.
A deranged man in Kiev, Ukraine, who decided he would reenact the famous scene from the bible in which Daniel survived in the lion's den didn't get quite so lucky and was mauled to death by a lioness.
Tough guy actor Mickey Rourke, lately of Sin City and Domino, has come out to President Bush's side, saying he supports the Pres in his Iraq campaign. The only reason we report this is because we never thought we'd ever say the name Mickey Rourke in a sentence with President Bush.
Researchers attempting to save a duck's life noticed after an x-ray was taken of the duck that it appeared to have recently eaten an alien, or at least its head.
Two early twenty morons from Florida who were looking for a cheap way to get high climbed inside an 8' helium balloon, passed out and died on Saturday. Police say that they had no chance and the balloon was a latex cocoon of death, as there would've been no way the two jackasses would've had sufficient oxygen to breathe and would have lacked the strength to climb their way out.
Six months ago, Ohio University head football coach Frank Solich pled no contest to DUI charges after being found slumped over his car's steering wheel with the car still in drive facing the wrong way down a one way street. He was not breathalyzed and was too incoherent to tell officers where he was heading or coming from.
This week's DSCC email returns to us from the long gone Anne Lewis, someone that we would say we missed, but that would be a lie. Besides making the least sense of everybody who sends us these, Anne also begs for money more and clouds her arguments in stupidity. This email is no different. Here are some choice statements from a woman who has never met a quote or stat she didn't want to bang in your face.
Government officials are beginning to begin discussing implanting Mexican immigrants with RFID radio trackers that can be traced by border patrol agents and officials in Washington D.C. This basically lowers the standing of human beings to that of a caribou in the wilds of Africa.
