Topic: World News
Today saw early voting begin in the 2005 Iraqi Parliamentary elections, which drew outrage from militant groups across the war-torn country, including Al Qaida in Iraq (yeah, there's a good group to look for people being reasonable - ed.) calling the elections a "satanic project."According to five militant groups who released a rare joint statement (terrorist groups have PR reps?), engaging in this "so-called political process violates the legitimate policy approved by God."
What? What policy is this? To not be free? We thought that was the whole point of the Koran, which pretty much is the Old Testament. Hell, we even knew that and we barely even believe in Jebus.
AP via YAHOO! NEWS
Posted by James
at 4:54 PM CST
The redistricting of Texas helped the GOP, without a doubt. They gained extra seats in Congress because of it and seriously hurt Democratic fundraising. Now, the architect of the new district map, Tom DeLay, is watching as his morally compromised baby is taken to the Supreme Court, not only to check the validity of the redrawing, but mostly to see if it was Constitutional.
Unless Governor Schwarzenegger gives Tookie Williams a stay of execution at the eleventh hour or a judge agrees with "new evidence" that Tookie did not kill four people in 1979, the founder of the Crips will die tonight at midnight PST.
The King of Pop's publicist has reigned hellfire and damnation down upon the perpetrators who felt it necessary to spread rumors of Michael's overdose and drug/alcohol problems.
A 29-year-old Arkansas man described by a psychiatrist as "psychotic" and "manic" was arrested earlier this week for jumping the White House fence and running for glory to find his one true love and the woman he was destined to marry; Miss Chelsea Clinton.
Sure, we all know about the flip-flopping of John Kerry on whether we should be in Iraq or not. We also know that Howard Dean is insane. But what we can't know or predict is what the hell will happen now that the new GOP advertising campaign is about to come out and call the Democrats straight up pussies.
If you're going on trial, the last thing you should probably do is make yourself sound better than everyone else. Apparently, no one told that to Saddam Hussein and his co-defendants, who made some pretty idiotic complaints, considering they had "rape rooms" and gassed thousands of innocent people.
Now for more embarrassing moments with the French in three easy steps.
We can thank Hurricane Katrina and Iraq for possibly giving us a $94.5 billion tax cut that the House of Reps currently has their grubby hands on. This is the fourth tax cut in three days that the House has approved, which will trim the budget back to the proposed amount over the next five years. What's the reason for all of this free money? Why, to get you to spend more, silly.
Just because people are finally realizing that soft drink guzzling probably isn't that great for you, Coca-Cola has a plan to ruin two of Americas favorite drink choices by combining them into one squalid liquid form.
Scotland is one of those magical places where you know you'll get into a fight at least once during your visit. We have all seen Braveheart, and after reading this article, it appears nothing has changed much since Mel Gibson donned blue war paint and a mis-spoken accent.
We're having a slow news day, so here is what we have found interesting in the waning hours of the afternoon:
It's not quite how we made it sound, but the World Wildlife Fund believes they may have found the first new species of carnivore on the island of Borneo in over 100 years. The creature, which as an see looks like a cross between a cat, kangaroo and coked-out fox, has been photographed only a couple of times since its first appearance in 2003.
A sixteen-year-old kid with the math skills of a Ph.D figured out a 19th century math problem and created a new theorem to help him win $100,000 in scholarship bucks from the Siemens Westinghouse Competition in Math, Science and Technology. We can't really tell you what this theorem does, so we're going to plagiarize it from the Associated Press.
For those of you who don't believe Dave Chappelle just quit doing his show and think that he was forced to stop doing so before being injected with drugs and "deported" to Africa in some sort of "reverse slavery" scheme, you can finally have some closure.
We carry on the tradition of Canada bashing that the country started on Friday afternoon here at the Heart of Darko. But this time, we move to Alberta, where it is the police, not the courts, that have let down the citizenry of the country.
We are now convinced that Canadians are just like they talk; a little slow.
Congratulations to North Carolina, who helped America reach the 1000th execution since approving the death penalty in 1977. Kenneth Boyd, who murdered his wife by unloading a .357 into her while her son was hiding under her body.
Emily the tabby cat has had one shitty first year of life. After running away from home and hiding in a paper plant, the kitty wound up stuffed into bales of paper, shipped to Chicago, and then literally SHIPPED, like, on a big boat, to Belgium. She was later discovered in a plant in Nancy, France.