Topic: Stupidity
We are now convinced that Canadians are just like they talk; a little slow.An Ontario man was recently acquitted from rape charges after he said he was involuntarily having sex with a woman because he has "sexsomnia." Yes, the man made up the term "sexsomnia" and the court believed him.
So what is Sexsomnia, you might ask? Well, according to a probably paid-off sleep expert, it's a disease where the subject shows involuntarily sexual behavior while asleep. This is complete shit, as any semi-intelligent person knows.
The story of the alleged rape goes that the man met a woman at a party. The two got drunk and fell asleep. When the woman woke up, the alleged rapist had a condom on and was having sex with her. She pushed him off, and he "woke up," shocked that he was doing so.
Mmm-kay now, does anyone still believe this douche besides the jury? Probably what happened was this;
Man met girl. Both got trounced on Schnapps and Labatt, or whatever they drink up there. They snuck off and started to have sex. She sobered up and realized he wasn't attractive. She cried rape out of embarrassment. He one-upped her and somehow convinced the jury he was a new sleep phenomenon.
That sounds a bit more believable.
REUTERS
Posted by James
at 4:56 PM CST
Congratulations to North Carolina, who helped America reach the 1000th execution since approving the death penalty in 1977. Kenneth Boyd, who murdered his wife by unloading a .357 into her while her son was hiding under her body.
Emily the tabby cat has had one shitty first year of life. After running away from home and hiding in a paper plant, the kitty wound up stuffed into bales of paper, shipped to Chicago, and then literally SHIPPED, like, on a big boat, to Belgium. She was later discovered in a plant in Nancy, France.
Catholics around the world are splitting into two warring sides over the possibility that Pope Joey Rat is planning on abolishing the teaching of "Limbo," the third part to the Heaven/Hell trifecta. Limbo is reserved for unbaptized babies, because it's really not their fault that they died before they had a chance to be saved.
The Scottish are smart for taking their sexual frustrations out on sheep. Well, relatively speaking, when compared to James Michael Tait and Kenneth Pinyan of Washington, anyone is smart. Pinyan was killed after he and Tait broke into a barn with the intentions of having sex with a horse.
A team of French doctors successfully transplanted lips, a chin and a nose onto a woman who had been mauled by a dog. While doctors said that they didn't think they could do a whole face, skin and all, in one big swoop like they would have to do, this surgery is promising to the possibility of changing one's entire appearance without putting a dress on.
The Transportation Security Administration, otherwise known as those motherfuckers that root through your shit and steal whatever they want in the name of "safety" while you're getting groped at the xray counter, have finally decided that hey, your five-year-old can't take down a plane with a set of orange plastic scissors and, hmm, maybe you should be allowed to carry a small toolkit with you when traveling.
The U.S. Air Force, ever the purveyors of modern technology, have created an M60 machine gun-sized laser rifle designed to temporarily blind assailants, hippies, puppies, or whatever you please. The non-lethal "weapon" weighs about 9 kilos and is fired from the shoulder into crowds, where it emits a low-level laser pulse that is equivalent to making someone stare into the sun.
Since the death penalty came into being in 1977, almost 1000 people have been executed in the United States. 999, to be exact. That number was reached at midnight this morning in Ohio, where a man who strangled his mother in law and then his daughter to help cover up the first murder was put to death.
Politics are a big part of sports. They always have had ramifications on the game and always will. But Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter might have crossed the line by first defending the behavior of Eagles star receiver Terrell Owens, but only before hitting back at Owens verbally and then supporting him again. All in a space of mere seconds. Take a read:
For the utmost of stupidity when testing brand new automobiles on television, look no closer than to Michael Sprecht. After proposing a segment on Stern TV, Sprecht approached Mercedes Benz to test the S-class's accident avoidance system, to which Mercedes engineers immediately pointed out that in the way Sprecht wanted to test the cars, they would fail in doing so.
To welcome back everyone to this wonderful Monday after Thanksgiving, we thought we'd get things kicked off with a little embarrassment for Texas to knock your ass in to gear.
Well everybody, we're out of here. Gotta go and cram a bottle of Wild Turkey up a chicken's ass and hope no one notices the difference. And that's what we call "brining the bird."
At least 12 protesters were arrested for setting up camp outside President Bush's Crawford ranch, an act which was outlawed because of danger to vehicles and the protesters themselves, who made a mess of the rural road system. Each protester would be charged with criminal trespassing, which is not as cool as it sounds, people, trust us.
A man who was breaking in women's windows and asking them to touch his exposed wee-wee learned not to do so anymore the hard way. Fort Myers Beach Police chased the man after finding him outside a woman's home and shot him with a taser... right in his gear.
So the Xbox 360 came out this morning. We, as warm-blooded males, want one worse than anything in the world. However, it's not going to happen until at least the new year. Why? Because people like the idiot below are snatching up not only every one they can see, but ones that haven't even been purchased by their original seller.