Topic: Housekeeping
Apparently the Jewish mafia (second in anger level only to the gay mafia - ed.) was angry enough with us to partly kill our site. Not that we're on here that much, but you know, still...
Anyway, before we die completely, we wish everybody a Merry Christmas, as does Mr. Monkey here to the right. We've had a pretty odd year all in all, but it's turned out pretty well. Karma exacted some revenge on us for things we have done, and we whipped her lily ass just a bit and escaped from some things completely unharmed.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Festivus, and Horambie! (Kwanza thing) to you all. Since we also probably won't make it back on here before New Years, we wish you a very safe and enjoyable 2007. Be safe in whatever it is you do in the holiday season, and thanks for sticking around with us, even through the complete and total droughts.
We cannot die. Kind of like Meat Loaf's music career. Seriously, he just released Bat Out of Hell 3. Who the hell would have thought that?
That's right people. It's time to get the pole out of the crawl space and throw away your tinsel, because Festivus is a mere two days away. Or one day, depending on your concept of time and how you count and... now we've lost our train of thought.
Are you as tired of Christmas as we are? Granted, we work for a company that has been playing holiday music 24 hours a day (no... seriously - ed.) since the day before Halloween, so that's an unfair question. However, we know that many of you just want to get this over with and move on with the drudgery of 2007.
People of the Jewish faith kick off their eight day"festival of lights" tonight and light the first candle of their home-burning eight-armed octopus of death otherwise known as a manora. While we have once attempted to read the Jewish Tanak before passing out in a pool of whisky vomit and half-eaten McRibs, we don't pretend to know either jack or shit about Hanukkah, or Chanukkah, or whatever it's called.
Just because we found this interesting as Dallas Cowboys fans, we're going to let this one out.
There are few things that can bring us out of our self-imposed exile; stupidity and animal attacks. This next story of criminally inclined retards certainly fits the first criterion.
The world lost two great people this past week in the likes of Oscar winner Jack Palance and Emmy-winning newsman Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes. Curly passed away at the ripe old age of 87 at his home, surrounded by his family, while Bradley succumbed to leukemia at the age of 65.
Well, we're done for the evening, but the election is not. Virginia, Missouri, and Montana aren't even close to being done, and even though Allen is losing in Virginia, he just came out on live TV and pretty much said for everyone to expect 3-4 weeks of lawyers going over every conceivable vote counted to get him the W that he wants.
There have been many interesting changes in tonight's election since we've last checked in. First, the Democrats need only three more wins to take the Senate and two more for a W in the House.
We've been 
By now we all know of the Republican's supposed plan to take down the voters of this country, since obviously we're all too stupid to vote. Even though we proudly wore our "Vote F*cker" shirt to the polls today and received some nasty looks from the surrounding Hispanic people that couldn't read and gay guys that thought the colors were tacky, we proudly said we would not vote a party line, and then proceeded to scream out "take that, bitch!" after every bubble we filled in with our pen, until we were asked to leave because we were disturbing a kindergarten class or something.
In these early hours of election day, some voting irregularities have already begun to "disenfranchise" voters, which undoubtedly the Democrats will blame on the Republicans, even though some of the problems include heavy flooding in Washington State (not caused by Republicans - ed.) and one person oversleeping and causing the polls to open five minutes late in Indiana (probably caused by Republicans).