Topic: Housekeeping
So we already wished Saddam Hussein a Happy New Year before he was promptly executed. Now it's our time to wish everyone else the same.
Be safe and party responsibly, hoping for the best in 2007. And by the best, we mean less of the same shit that happened pretty much from 2003-2006. We can't fucking take it much more!
We honestly hope that you have a fantastic 2007 and you stick with us throughout the new year, during which time we will hopefully have an opportunity to be here more often. We miss it. And you.
Posted by James
at 5:35 PM CST
The Iraqi judge overseeing the hanging of convicted mass murderer Saddam Hussein has announced that the deposed dictator will be strung up by the neck no later than this Saturday, insuring that Saddam will not be able to ring in 2007. The announcement has brought tons of cheers from the Iraqis and Americans, while some are wondering if the violence in the mess of a country will ramp up after Saddam's neck cracks.
Apparently the Jewish mafia (second in anger level only to the gay mafia - ed.) was angry enough with us to partly kill our site. Not that we're on here that much, but you know, still...
That's right people. It's time to get the pole out of the crawl space and throw away your tinsel, because Festivus is a mere two days away. Or one day, depending on your concept of time and how you count and... now we've lost our train of thought.
Are you as tired of Christmas as we are? Granted, we work for a company that has been playing holiday music 24 hours a day (no... seriously - ed.) since the day before Halloween, so that's an unfair question. However, we know that many of you just want to get this over with and move on with the drudgery of 2007.
People of the Jewish faith kick off their eight day"festival of lights" tonight and light the first candle of their home-burning eight-armed octopus of death otherwise known as a manora. While we have once attempted to read the Jewish Tanak before passing out in a pool of whisky vomit and half-eaten McRibs, we don't pretend to know either jack or shit about Hanukkah, or Chanukkah, or whatever it's called.
Just because we found this interesting as Dallas Cowboys fans, we're going to let this one out.
There are few things that can bring us out of our self-imposed exile; stupidity and animal attacks. This next story of criminally inclined retards certainly fits the first criterion.
The world lost two great people this past week in the likes of Oscar winner Jack Palance and Emmy-winning newsman Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes. Curly passed away at the ripe old age of 87 at his home, surrounded by his family, while Bradley succumbed to leukemia at the age of 65.
Well, we're done for the evening, but the election is not. Virginia, Missouri, and Montana aren't even close to being done, and even though Allen is losing in Virginia, he just came out on live TV and pretty much said for everyone to expect 3-4 weeks of lawyers going over every conceivable vote counted to get him the W that he wants.
There have been many interesting changes in tonight's election since we've last checked in. First, the Democrats need only three more wins to take the Senate and two more for a W in the House.
We've been 
By now we all know of the Republican's supposed plan to take down the voters of this country, since obviously we're all too stupid to vote. Even though we proudly wore our "Vote F*cker" shirt to the polls today and received some nasty looks from the surrounding Hispanic people that couldn't read and gay guys that thought the colors were tacky, we proudly said we would not vote a party line, and then proceeded to scream out "take that, bitch!" after every bubble we filled in with our pen, until we were asked to leave because we were disturbing a kindergarten class or something.