Topic: Sports
Just a brief note to all your Dallas Mavericks fans out in cyberland tonight pushing your personal internet through the series of tubes; Dirk Nowitzki has signed his contract extension through the 2010-11 season, meaning that at least for the next five years, our big German isn't going anywhere!
And Mavs training camp opens in less than a week, meaning that soon you'll be able to watch Dirk, the Jet, and all the rest rip up the hardwood in a few short months.
Go Mavs!
Posted by James
at 10:47 PM CDT
Golfing hall of famer and all around legend Byron Nelson died at the ripe old age of 94 on Tuesday morning. He was found by his wife at his wood-working bench on the back porch, after dying of natural causes.
Since making the comment at the U.N. that Bush is the Devil, multiple columnists, blogs and random people have struck out at Hugo Chavez for opening his fat, dumb mouth. And now comes the political backlash, even from odd sources, such as Democratic insane-monger Nancy Pelosi.
When West Virginian Allen Snyder lost his garden gnome, at first he thought it was a simple case of thievery. However, Snyder has been receiving multiple letters from "Gnomey," who has been traveling the country lately, and now even made it to the Pittsburg Steelers football game this past Monday. He still seems to hold a grudge against Snyder for not taking him anywhere.
We were fortunate enough to catch President Bush's speech yesterday on our cell phone during a break during which he called out Iran and said that he was appointing a special official to look into Iran's nuclear, or "nucular," program. Or both of them, if the dude has time.
Are you tired of people at work telling you that you drink too much at happy hours and that you're ruining your life? Screw em. You'll end up with more in the bank.
A nearly eighty-year-old woman was arrested in Chicago after her attempt to rob a bank with a toy gun backfired. She now faces 20 years in prison for her botched attempt at crime. 
Columbian musical instrument manufacturer Luis Alberto Paredes has begun a brand new and totally kickass program in which he is using former guerilla AK-47s to create a new series of rosewood electric guitars. Paredes said that every single musical axe will be made from a once-used fully automatic rifle.
We were excited and honored today when we opened our email inbox and, after sorting through the random penic enlargement, Cialis, and porn emails we apparently subscribe to, we noticed this week's DSCC email, with a special surprise; it was from President Bill Clinton himself.
Yesterday evening saw the death of former Texas governor Ann Richards, who became nationally known for being the creator of the "make fun of a Bush" policy for the Democratic party, as well as being only the second woman elected to Governor of any state in our country's history.
Despite Time magazine's glowing praise of Hillary Clinton as the next President of the United States (she's been on more covers than J-Lo - ed.), the junior Senator from New York might be in some big trouble with her latest endorsement. This time it comes from another big-time jackass in the form of Janet Jackson, the boob-popping "less crazy" Jackson.
When next year's Malaysian astronaut attempts not to explode in outer space in a Russian-made rocket, he will also attempt something even more dangerous: making boiling hot tea inside the multi-million dollar tube full of wiring and things that explode.
We first came to know of The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin while at our college friend Amanda's house, who was a massive fan of the catchphrase spewing insane Australian. Well now the entire world is emitting a shocked "Crikey!" after hearing that Irwin was killed during a diving accident over the weekend when the barb of a stingray pierced his heart.
The first time we lost our job, our boss gave him the opportunity to yell and scream athim by giving us a face to face confrontation surrounding the whole "deal." Executives at Radio Shack, who previously announced upcoming job cuts, apparently don't have any balls to speak of, as they let 400 employees go yesterday by a mass email notification, creating ire among remaining employees of the company and setting off a sense of outrage throughout the nation.
Are you a horny Australian man whom has just spent way too much money filling up your Ute or similar vehicle? Well then take your receipt to either The Site of Madame Kerry's brothel for a 20 percent discount on their wide (no pun intended - ed.) selection of prime chippy.
Congratulations go out to Comedy Central's brilliant The Colbert Report, for adding another notch on their belt of creating satire. Both "truthiness" and Wikiality" have been added to TV's most popular buzzwords by the Global Language Monitor, which also added "Dr. McDreamy" and "Katie" to their list this year. Because we're all about pop culture (until it gets annoying - ed.), definitions are as follows:
Our planned hiatus has taken a break, allowing us a moment or two to post some stupidity from our own judiciary system, once again focusing on professed JonBenet Ramsey Killer John Mark Karr, who was extradited from Bangkok, Thailand, earlier last week to face possible murder charges in the decades-old case. Turns out he just wanted to get the hell out of Thailand before child indecency charges were brought against him there. 
Unfortunately, it is time for us to announce that we at the Heart of Darko will be entering an extended hiatus on Monday, August 28. During this period, there will be possible chances that we will be able to post, but they will come sporadically at best.
The Las Vegas marriage bureau has announced that starting August 31, there will be no more late night weddings in the city, meaning that all drunken celebrities who wish to get married to hookers or childhood friends will either have to obtain a marriage license before midnight or just get drunk when it's light out.