Topic: Weird Shit
Columbian musical instrument manufacturer Luis Alberto Paredes has begun a brand new and totally kickass program in which he is using former guerilla AK-47s to create a new series of rosewood electric guitars. Paredes said that every single musical axe will be made from a once-used fully automatic rifle.
"This used to hit a target at 800 meters (yards)," Paredes said holding up one of the guitars which still has a Kalashnikov rifle's distinctive, banana-shaped magazine. "Now the target will just depend on the concert stage."
Now the musician and instrument creator is working with the UN to receive decommissioned AKs which have had all of their moving parts welded together to stop him from using them on dogs, cats and his groupies. And now musicians from across Columbia have announced that they're going to use Paredes' odd creations in a live concert that will help promote peace and possibly safe gun use, but we're only guessing about the second part of that.
We were excited and honored today when we opened our email inbox and, after sorting through the random penic enlargement, Cialis, and porn emails we apparently subscribe to, we noticed this week's DSCC email, with a special surprise; it was from President Bill Clinton himself.
Yesterday evening saw the death of former Texas governor Ann Richards, who became nationally known for being the creator of the "make fun of a Bush" policy for the Democratic party, as well as being only the second woman elected to Governor of any state in our country's history.
Despite Time magazine's glowing praise of Hillary Clinton as the next President of the United States (she's been on more covers than J-Lo - ed.), the junior Senator from New York might be in some big trouble with her latest endorsement. This time it comes from another big-time jackass in the form of Janet Jackson, the boob-popping "less crazy" Jackson.
When next year's Malaysian astronaut attempts not to explode in outer space in a Russian-made rocket, he will also attempt something even more dangerous: making boiling hot tea inside the multi-million dollar tube full of wiring and things that explode.
We first came to know of The Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin while at our college friend Amanda's house, who was a massive fan of the catchphrase spewing insane Australian. Well now the entire world is emitting a shocked "Crikey!" after hearing that Irwin was killed during a diving accident over the weekend when the barb of a stingray pierced his heart.
The first time we lost our job, our boss gave him the opportunity to yell and scream athim by giving us a face to face confrontation surrounding the whole "deal." Executives at Radio Shack, who previously announced upcoming job cuts, apparently don't have any balls to speak of, as they let 400 employees go yesterday by a mass email notification, creating ire among remaining employees of the company and setting off a sense of outrage throughout the nation.
Are you a horny Australian man whom has just spent way too much money filling up your Ute or similar vehicle? Well then take your receipt to either The Site of Madame Kerry's brothel for a 20 percent discount on their wide (no pun intended - ed.) selection of prime chippy.
Congratulations go out to Comedy Central's brilliant The Colbert Report, for adding another notch on their belt of creating satire. Both "truthiness" and Wikiality" have been added to TV's most popular buzzwords by the Global Language Monitor, which also added "Dr. McDreamy" and "Katie" to their list this year. Because we're all about pop culture (until it gets annoying - ed.), definitions are as follows:
Our planned hiatus has taken a break, allowing us a moment or two to post some stupidity from our own judiciary system, once again focusing on professed JonBenet Ramsey Killer John Mark Karr, who was extradited from Bangkok, Thailand, earlier last week to face possible murder charges in the decades-old case. Turns out he just wanted to get the hell out of Thailand before child indecency charges were brought against him there. 
Unfortunately, it is time for us to announce that we at the Heart of Darko will be entering an extended hiatus on Monday, August 28. During this period, there will be possible chances that we will be able to post, but they will come sporadically at best.
The Las Vegas marriage bureau has announced that starting August 31, there will be no more late night weddings in the city, meaning that all drunken celebrities who wish to get married to hookers or childhood friends will either have to obtain a marriage license before midnight or just get drunk when it's light out.
The owner of the restaurant "Hitler's Cross" in Bombay, India, has announced that he will indeed change the name toease tension caused by his attempt to get more publicity, which worked well considering that even penny-ante little crapsites like ours reported on this 
A bookkeeper in New York has pleaded guilty yesterday to "borrowing" more than $2.3 million from her former boss over a period of three years to keep up her horrible scratch-off lottery ticket problem. Annie Donnelly admitted that she sometimes spent over $6,000 a day on lottery tickets and meant to pay the money back.
A rare albino set of Pygmy Marmoset monkeys has been born at a zoo in Sweden, ushering in a new era of monkey fear. At only 35cm long and 100 grams in weight, the tiny little bastards can easily crawl through a nose, ear, mouth, or, god help us all, anus, and take your body down from the inside while the pandas, otters, alligators, raccoons, snakehead fish and fish with human teeth wage war on your head, arms and ankles.
A 78-year-old woman has filed a harassment suit against her 14-year-old neighbor for meowing at her everytime he sees her. The judge has had such a hard time deciding whether or not meowing is indeed a form of harassment that she has put off her ruling for 90 days in order to figure things out.
The most embarrassing thing that one can possibly have happen to oneself would be to have an army of pint-sized girls with berets and pigtails serving you lawsuit papers to your door because you did not pay for the cookies that you bought.
DUI defendant Joshua J. Beury made a huge mistake when showing up in court to plead not guilty to his charges yesterday afternoon; he showed up drunker than when he was previously arrested. He had blown a .17 when he was taken into custody after crashing his car in November, but in court, he decided the best way to calm his nerves was to drink so much beer that he blew a .20.
A 30-year-old former Marine who currently teaches a former of strength-training martial arts at a Utah gym took down a man who after recently being arrested from jail for assault walked out of a 7-11 convenience store without paying for a carton of cigarettes and punched a female clerk in the face.