Topic: Politics
Well, we don't really see a huge, late-night swing about to take place, so we're gonna go ahead and call this thing for Barack Obama. Reasoning? We don't care at this moment, and would rather sit down and play Grand Theft Auto IV.
So this is a lesson to you folks. Not happy? Don't vote for the lesser of two evils. Vote independent. If an independent candidate gets at least 5% of the popular vote, then that party qualifies for public funding. And we all know what that means.
NO MORE TWO PARTY POLITICAL SYSTEM!
We're also very proud that in our precinct in Dallas, we were the only person to have broken from the pack of over 800 people and choose not to vote for John McCain or Barack Obama, instead voting for Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate. Why would we be proud, you may ask? Because this just confirms our pompous and arrogant claim that we are, in fact, the smartest person in our neighborhood.
In the immortal words of Edward R. Murrow, "Good night, and good luck."
We decided enough was enough, and we couldn't take it anymore. So we're back for another smattering of political polls regarding the upcoming Presidential election. You may ask yourself what took us so long. It's easy.
Well, we're done for the evening, but the election is not. Virginia, Missouri, and Montana aren't even close to being done, and even though Allen is losing in Virginia, he just came out on live TV and pretty much said for everyone to expect 3-4 weeks of lawyers going over every conceivable vote counted to get him the W that he wants.
There have been many interesting changes in tonight's election since we've last checked in. First, the Democrats need only three more wins to take the Senate and two more for a W in the House.
By now we all know of the Republican's supposed plan to take down the voters of this country, since obviously we're all too stupid to vote. Even though we proudly wore our "Vote F*cker" shirt to the polls today and received some nasty looks from the surrounding Hispanic people that couldn't read and gay guys that thought the colors were tacky, we proudly said we would not vote a party line, and then proceeded to scream out "take that, bitch!" after every bubble we filled in with our pen, until we were asked to leave because we were disturbing a kindergarten class or something.
In these early hours of election day, some voting irregularities have already begun to "disenfranchise" voters, which undoubtedly the Democrats will blame on the Republicans, even though some of the problems include heavy flooding in Washington State (not caused by Republicans - ed.) and one person oversleeping and causing the polls to open five minutes late in Indiana (probably caused by Republicans).
Thanks to everybody's favorite Teen Wolf, Michael J. Fox, and his idiot counterpart, Rush "The Prince of Douchebags" Limbough, stem cell research voting has come to the fore front of an election year again. With both the right saying it's a thing of murder and the left saying that the right are Biblical morons, there isn't much middle ground left.
As we head into the home stretch for the midterm elections, the GOP is squeezing their balls hoping for some out-of-their-ass wins to help win some important gubernatorial elections throughout the nation, including biggies in Texas and California. While candidates in our home state such as Kinky Friedman and Chris Bell are expected to offer current Governor Rick Perry a little less than a whiff at the polls (unfortunately - ed.), it's Arnold Schwarzenegger in Cali who is offering a bright ray of hope for the party, who expects to cruise to a win in the massively Democratic state.
Since making the comment at the U.N. that Bush is the Devil, multiple columnists, blogs and random people have struck out at Hugo Chavez for opening his fat, dumb mouth. And now comes the political backlash, even from odd sources, such as Democratic insane-monger Nancy Pelosi.
We were excited and honored today when we opened our email inbox and, after sorting through the random penic enlargement, Cialis, and porn emails we apparently subscribe to, we noticed this week's DSCC email, with a special surprise; it was from President Bill Clinton himself.
Despite Time magazine's glowing praise of Hillary Clinton as the next President of the United States (she's been on more covers than J-Lo - ed.), the junior Senator from New York might be in some big trouble with her latest endorsement. This time it comes from another big-time jackass in the form of Janet Jackson, the boob-popping "less crazy" Jackson.