Topic: Weird Shit
Seven funeral directors from outside of New York City and Rochester, New York, have pleaded guilty in a secret hearing on multiple counts from their admittal to having stolen multiple organs from recently deceased people and selling them to organ remittance services for a hefty profit.
Joining them will be a former oral surgeon, who made untold millions of dollars unloading the organs across the country, which infected multiple recipients, mostly because they're not fucking zombies and could not accept the dead tissue.
Included in the case is the director of the funeral home which removed organs from late Masterpiece Theater host Alistair Cooke's body. The district attorney had the right idea when he called the removal of skin, organs and bones from corpses "something out of a cheap horror movie."
Of course, if this were our movie (thank god it's not - ed.), the victims would come back to life to eat and rip apart the seven directors who did this to them. The film would end with Alistair Cooke shoving an oversized leather-bound book down the throat of the owner of the biomedical tissue service. Pure genius. Make us an offer, Hollywood. Make us an offer.
