Old School's Blue Passes Away at Age 86! You're Still My Boy, Blue!
Topic: Entertainment

In a day of weird entertainment news, such as Tom Jones getting knighted and shit like that, we're reminded that life is cyclical, or something or other. Patrick Cranshaw, the 86-year-old actor who gained national heroship as Blue in the film Old School died of natural causes at his home in Fort Worth.

Blue will be missed, if not for his fake name along, but also for his ability to stand in full long underwear in a tub of KY jelly.

To quote Will Ferrell: "I see Blue... and he looks glorious!"

So put on your Kansas records and listen to "Dust in the Wind" again in memory of Patrick Cranshaw, better known to you drunken fratboys as Joseph "Blue" Palasky.


USA TODAY via DEFAMER

Comedy's Mitch Hedberg DID Overdose (Back in March); No One Surprised
Topic: Entertainment

It's sad to see someone with so much potential be taken away from humanity. Especially so when that person makes people laugh by making jokes about baked potatoes and frogs while obviously higher than a teenage with a case of gold spray paint and a handful of Hefty sacks.

But now, the New York medical examiner has finally released that, you guessed it, Mitch Hedberg died of a coke and heroin overdose, and not heart failure. Well, it was heart failure, but heart failure because of all the coke and heroin that was in his system.

Goodnight Mitch Hedberg. May dreams of pink elephants and dancing frogs run through your head. And may you pet them, because you were one weird bastard.


AP via YAHOO! NEWS

Howard Stern Bids Farewell to Terrestrial Radio; Sirius Claps Its Grubby Little Hands With Joy; Fratboys Cry
Topic: Entertainment

Howard Stern, the self-proclaimed "King of All Media," (dream on, egomaniac - ed.) bid farewell to Earth-bound radio today with his final broadcast for Infinity, who has played home to show for way too long.

Thousands of fans sat outside in the cold drizzle while Stern had his final broadcast inside the studio before taking a "victory lap" around Midtown in a double decker bus, while unemployed idiots cheered wildly for him.

We will freely admit that when not on his program, Howard Stern can be as hilarious as any person living or dead. See, for example, his The Daily Show with Jon Stewart interview on Wednesday. Great television. But his brand of radio was old in high school, so we still fail to see how he became loved by over 12 million listeners a day.

Seriously, when he brings on a chick and makes her get naked, do you sit in your car and think, "oh, she sounds hot" or what? Just go rent any of the National Lampoon movies for the same experience, except with the opportunity to see bare breasts. But good luck on Sirius, Howard. They've tied their flag to you, so feel free to ramrod it home. Personally, we're an XM radio subscriber and haven't listened to you since 1997, but then again, you're filthy fucking rich, so good for you.


MSNBC


P.S. - For you Stern fans, you have until January 9, 2006, to go buy your Sirius radio, because that's when his show picks back up.

America Loves Gay Cowboys, Woody Allen
Topic: Entertainment

The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning, and taking the most honors was director Ang Lee's gay cowboy film "Brokeback Mountain," the touching story of two sheepherders who fall in love and continue their affair after both are married and have families.

Woody Allen also got his first kudos in what must be a decade for "Match Point," which is about something that we don't know about. The film joined gay cowboys, Edward R. Murrow in "Good Night, and Good Luck," "The Constant Gardener" and "A History of Violence" in the best drama categories.

In comedy/musical, Johnny Cash proved that being a reformed alcoholic who secretly pined for your married opening act can net you an award too, as "Walk The Line" was nominated for best picture. It joins "Mrs. Henderson Presents," "Pride and Prejudice," "The Producers" and "The Squid and the Whale" for the award.

The rest of the awards you can find for yourself, because we have neither the patience nor in the inclination to run through the list that MSNBC already has created. It's easier with them too, since they put links with additional information to each nominee. All we do is put the story at the bottom. It takes us long enough to type this while eating a tub of chocolate with our left hand anyway.


MSN MOVIES

M.J.'s Attorney; "He Hasn't O.D.ed You Sons of Bitches"
Topic: Entertainment

The King of Pop's publicist has reigned hellfire and damnation down upon the perpetrators who felt it necessary to spread rumors of Michael's overdose and drug/alcohol problems.

“Michael Jackson and been working with several artists recording his Katrina Relief song, and with me all week, including today. He is doing fine and I have never seen him happier or healthier. Whomever these individuals are who are intent on disseminating false information throughout the media regarding Mr. Jackson, should begin hiring good attorneys; and the journalists who continuously rely on these ‘sources’ should begin checking them thoroughly, because Mr. Jackson's tolerance level has come to an end.

“The Green light that people have thought they have had to willfully impugn Michael Jackson's character and integrity has now become Red.”

He followed up this red-faced loud-voiced tirade with, "You got that you dirty chimp-fucking sons of bitches? NO KIDS AND NO DRUGS! Sons of bitches..."

Maybe his publicist needs some drugs and alcohol. Dude's been under some stress in the past, oh, decade or so.


ACCESS HOLLYWOOD


P.S. - We wish we had an aura like Michael's. *sigh* A boy can dream...

Comedy Central Bringing Back Chappelle's Show? Eh, Not Really...
Topic: Entertainment

For those of you who don't believe Dave Chappelle just quit doing his show and think that he was forced to stop doing so before being injected with drugs and "deported" to Africa in some sort of "reverse slavery" scheme, you can finally have some closure.

Comedy Central announced today that they will air four episodes of finished clips from what was supposed to be the highly anticipated third season of "Chappelle's Show." They don't know how they're going to throw them together though, since Chappelle didn't ever record his stand-up portion.

The shows should air in April, May or June. Until then, you can just rub peanut butter on your nuts and rewatch "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories" for the 77th time while ignoring your family and friends, who are desperately worried about your "recliner sores."


AP

Civil Jury: "Baretta Did That Shit"
Topic: Entertainment

Robert "Baretta" Blake has been found liable for his wife's death, proving once again that civil attorneys kick ass and prosecutors need more schooling (we're kidding, all you attorneys! jesus don't sue us... - ed.).

The jury awarded Bonny Lee Bakley's family some $30 million, which is going to be a huge problem for Baretta, because, well, he's known as "Baretta," and that show stopped airing in like, 1978. He doesn't have that kind of money. Jesus Christ, he NEVER had that kind of money. Welcome to debtors prison Baretta. Your prison name will now be Asshat.


ABCNEWS.COM

Kazakhstan Might Sue Ali G! That's Whack Yo, Booyakasha
Topic: Entertainment

The Asian nation of Kazakhstan has threatened to sue comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, a.k.a. Ali G, a.k.a. Borat, the immigrant from Kazakhstan who once said, "In Kazakhstan, national pastimes are punching cows and rape," for defamation of their country.

"We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way," Kazakh Foreign Ministry spokesman Yerzhan Ashykbayev (<------- look at that funky name - ed.).

If that isn't reason enough to make even MORE fun of them, then we don't know what is. Retards. And by retards, we just mean they don't know anything.


REUTERS via YAHOO! NEWS

50 Cent A Fan of the President? We Doubt It's The Other Way Around
Topic: Entertainment

Rapper/Actor 50 Cent has come forward with his disagreement with Kanye West's infamous "George Bush does not like black people" statement during a hurricane relief concert. However, 50 Cent's statements just confuse the crap out of us, proving once again that you don't have to say anything people can understand to get mentioned on this site.

"I think people responded to it the best way they can. What Kanye West was saying, I don't know where that came from. The New Orleans disaster was meant to happen. It was an act of God."

Guess we're returning to the good old days of God smiting people and bringing plagues and such. We had locusts last year. Must be the hurricane plague in '05. Next year should be rivers of blood, so fill up your bathtubs!


AP via YAHOO! NEWS

Bush Panders to Repetitive Music-Loving Crowd, Dines With Bono
Topic: Entertainment

President Bush seems to be changing his ways. After his latest bout of crazy involving god, Harriet Miers and Karl Rove, the President now looks to be pandering. This can be seen by his Wednesday lunch with U2 front man Bono, who loves nothing more than to make tons of money and give some of it back to the community. By some, we mean around .5%.

White House spokesman Scotty Mac said that the lunch would be a continuation of the discussion they had in July at the G8 ceremony after Cheney took off Bush's training wheels and he fell over, giving himself an "ouchie."

"They had a very good discussion about some of our common priorities," McClellan said. "Both share a deep commitment to combating AIDS, preventing malaria and expanding trade to lift people out of poverty."

After all the hatred spewed at Bush by other aging rockers (how old is Bono? 50? - ed.), such as Elton John and Mick "Skeletor" Jagger, we wonder if he's trying to get someone on his side with some influence of something besides money. Like young, groupie ass.


BREITBART

Madeleine Albright to Kill Male Audience of "Gilmore Girls"
Topic: Entertainment

Sadly, we admit to being fans of the WB's "Gilmore Girls." Why, you may ask as you shun us from the rest of your lives? Because the stories involve two smart, well-read women traversing life and taking everything in stride with large amounts of humor and non-sappy sentimentality. That and both the main girls are freaking hottttt.

But we might have to miss the October 25 episode, just so that our lusting over a near-jail bait actress and her mid-thirties "mother" is not completely crushed with the addition of former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright to the lineup. Albright will make her appearance that evening, thus killing the erections of every male viewer that the show has.

"I am a big fan of 'Gilmore Girls' and I had a great time," Albright said in a statement Tuesday. "It was an opportunity to do something different for a quick minute, and I learned how hard it is to memorize those lines."

Must have been a lot of dialog, considering that this woman had to support Clinton's BS for eight years. Maybe we will watch, if just to bring us back to reality that not all college-age girls have MILFs waiting at home to cuddle with...


AP via YAHOO! NEWS

ABC Survery for Commander in Chief Insulting to ABC... and Hillary Clinton
Topic: Entertainment

As proven by Defamer, sometimes you know a show will not strike a certain member(s) of the audience. However, ABC crossed their own line and decided it was time to insults not only their own program, but their own network. They also threw in Hillary Clinton for good measure.



We know it's hard to read, but click on the link below to be taken to the whole survey, where you can read see checked boxes for reasons not to like the show, such as "It reminds me too much of Hillary Clinton, and the fact she might run for President in 2008." Good stuff ABC, good stuff indeed.


DEFAMER

New James Bond Chosen! Go Rent Layer Cake Before It's Too Late!
Topic: Entertainment

We know that we're not known for being an entertainment blog, but we were very excited about the new choice today to play James Bond, so we had to tell everyone. It's Daniel Craig, of Road to Perdition and Layer Cake fame. He's been in tons of movies and television overseas, but hasn't found his niche here.

Well, now he will as James Bond in Casino Royale, which will soon begin filming for an expected release date Christmas of 2007. Congrats Daniel! And now to all of you; go rent Layer Cake and Enduring Love to brush up on your Daniel Craig!


THIS IS LONDON

Gov. Schwarzenegger Sets Triple Higher Damages for Paparazzi; Actors Prepare Weapons for Eventual Paparazzi Hunting Law
Topic: Entertainment

Coddyfoynia Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger passed legislation today to raise the amount a celebrity can sue a paparazzi for damages by three times, meaning that the next time an aggressive photographer slams into the side of some over privileged 18-year-old starlet's $120,000 Mercedes, she can take away everything he owns in a court of law, sell it all for profit, and then freebase that profit out of a light bulb.

While this law is supposed to cover the asses of celebrities such as Reese Witherspoon (who was recently followed home in a high speed chase; just remember, there have to be at least two vehicles in a high speed chase, so driving normally would've stopped that) and Scarlett Johansson, who, whoops! ended up not getting into a paparazzi-caused wreck and just couldn't drive through a Disneyland parking lot.

So what it comes down to is that a normal fine for a paparazzi-caused accident is $20,000. They would now owe $60,000. However, the photos that were taken of said "celebrity" or "event" sold for $100,000. We're pretty sure that this is a ridiculous bit of legislation and that it won't help shit. Way to go Governor Ahnuld: you made another Jingle All the Way.


VARIETY

Penn-watch; The Continuing Crazy Antics of Sean Penn! Volume 2 - Shotgun Love
Topic: Entertainment

Sean Penn is officially off of his rocker. After a few of the participants in the Great Dinghy Rescue of 2005 came out to say that Penn saved over 40 people off of rooftops because the National Guard was too scared to go near them (this story came from Penn's publicist, so you KNOW there's no spin there... - ed.), the New York Post apparently issued this photo in today's late edition.

Looking closely in at the subject, you will notice that it is indeed Sean Penn trolling through the contaminated waters of downtown NOLA with a pump action shotgun in hand. Now we're not saying that Sean Penn is crazy or violent. Just really out of his fucking mind.

Thanks for the image scan, Matt.

Fat Bastard to Make Katrina Movie?
Topic: Entertainment

Michael Moore hates everyone that isn't a Socialist. Even though he will never admit his political leaning towards that practice, it is pretty clear that is what he is. Now it appears that Moore might be planning a Hurricane Katrina documentary, which blames every single problem that occurred (including probably the hurricane itself) on the Bush administration.

Is it just me or does anyone else wish that Charlton Heston had shot Moore in the leg in Bowling for Columbine? This has once again shown how the Democratic party has evolved into a group of sniveling idealists who offer no real solutions to what they call "devastating problems." The Sean Penn's and Michael Moore's look at something that THEY see as an issue and bitch and moan, without offering any kind of help to fixing it.

And wasn't it Bill Clinton that also shot down a multi-million dollar refurbishing of the levees in New Orleans, and not George Bush? Yeah, pretty sure it was. Go ahead and make your movie, fat idiot. It'll make you a lot of money and torpedo your political party even more, perhaps making way for new Democratic leadership that can do something besides complaining.


SCOOP via MSNBC

Sean Penn Sinks Boat Attempting to Save People!
Topic: Entertainment

This is filed under entertainment not only because Sean Penn is an actor, despite his recent moonlighting as a bad journalist, but also because this photograph of him baling water out of a boat with a red plastic Solo cup usually reserved for mid-afternoon games of frat house beer pong had us laughing for a good five minutes.

While we salute the fact that Penn has taken it upon himself to help out where the federal government cannot (or as Penn would say, have criminally failed), he is a major jackass. How many people can you save in a dinghy anyway, regardless of whether or not it has holes in it? This man has won an Oscar and is worth millions of dollars and he tried to use our grandfather's bass boat to save people from the tops of their roofs? Bad form, Penn. Good intentions, but bad form.

P.S. - Does anyone take Sean Penn seriously anymore?

P.P.S. - We're not kidding. Anyone?

P.P.P.S. - We bet Michael Moore won't even return his phone calls, especially after that whole live-blogging Iran thing.

DEFAMER

Christopher Walken for President 2008? Now he would definitely beat Hillary
Topic: Entertainment

Is award-winning character actor Christopher Walken already mounting a campaign to become the next President of the United States? Honestly, we doubt it. After all, when your next film is about a female model turned bounty hunter and you scream "I like nun-chuks! I like nun-chuks!" during the trailer, you're not exactly the perfect candidate to lead the free world.

However, when you were in perhaps one of the greatest music videos of all time dancing around in an elegant foyer to techno music because you were bored, you have our vote. The politics of this particular campaign have obviously been lifted out of Esquire and GQ articles, but they work in perfect context as their subjects, as seen below:

Stem Cell Research:
"I'd met Chris Reeve several times before he died, and after having met him it is tough to be against [stem cell research]. I am for human knowledge and expansion of human life. If stem cells are one way to do that, I cannot support legislation to restrict this potentially life-saving research."

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Someone has decided to throw in Chris Walken's hate for him. So congrats, and we say go Christopher Walken for President! Seriously, we're printing our bumper sticker right now. If you see a white Subaru WRX with a Christopher Walken 2008 sticker on it, please don't hit us. Enough people do that at our apartment complex already...









WALKEN 2008

No More Chappelle's Show! Say it Ain't So!
Topic: Entertainment

We know that you don't come here for hard-hitting entertainment journalism (or even REAL journalism), but we just wanted to pass along that Charlie Murphy, brother of Eddie Murphy and frequent comedian on Chappelle's Show, has confirmed that there will not be a third season of the highly anticipated program. DAMMIT!

"`Chappelle’s Show’ is over, man. Done,” comic Charlie Murphy told TV Guide. “It took me a long time to be able to say those words, but I can say it pretty easy now, because it’s the truth.” […]

“I’m disappointed it ended the way it did, but I’m not angry with anybody,” he said. “`Chappelle’s Show’ was like the Tupac of TV shows. It came out, it got everybody’s attention, it was a bright shining star, but it burned out and for some strange reason, it burned out quick.”

*sigh*

Oh well, it was a great run of hilarious programming. You've still got the first two seasons on DVD, plus that VHS copy of Half Baked that you haven't let out of your backpack since 1998. Thanks for the laughs, Dave!


DEFAMER

Al Gore's "Current TV" Goes Live, Sucks
Topic: Entertainment

Well, Al Gore's "Current TV" has gone live today, showing the world a "utopia" of interactive entertainment that has only 25 percent of its programs produced by professionals and the rest produced in house by idiots... or so it would seem.

Tune your DirecTV channels to 366 to see exactly what kind of crap Al Gore considers entertainment paradise while we switch back to HBO and watching people get killed while standing around naked chicks. That's a hell of a lot better than a months old report on why SXSW is cool and Austin is neato.


CURRENT TV