Topic: World News
We at The Heart of Darko wish you and yours a Merry Christmas! We promised to be back in more power this year, adn failed miserably at this, so we can only wish you and all of your loved ones a very happy holiday season.
No matter the holiday you celebrate, we are very happy to be here, and are content in where we are. We have all moved on from here, using the experience and education we learned from this experiment (which will be back) to do something bigger (except our editor - ed. thanks asshole - James), and thank you for your attention and the years of loyal reading. We've only been around for three years, and as far as random news sites go, that's a long time.
This year, we hope that you find yourself either a wonderful partner or family that you love or something that you cannot live without (James, that bastard, for a new Mini Cooper S).
So once again, please be safe, and remember that this is a time of peace love. Be kind to your fellow man, and thanks again.
All of our best - The Heart of Darko Management
Is Fidel Castro dead? Did he suffer a glorious lack of life that was spread evenly troughout his body? That's the word on the grapevine. There will supposedly be a press conference soon announcing the Cuban dictator's death.
Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this story, we wish to share our worst moment of blind date humiliation. After meeting a girl via the local college internet messaging program (first clue right there - ed.), we agreed to meet up with a girl who had sent us pictures of a quite attractive girl in a prom dress. We did just that, and realized that the pictures of said girl in the dress, while certainly our blind date at one point in her life, we probably about five years old and that this particular model of female had gained a minimum of 40 pounds and a healthy variety of scars and various uglification to her facial area.
The Iraqi judge overseeing the hanging of convicted mass murderer Saddam Hussein has announced that the deposed dictator will be strung up by the neck no later than this Saturday, insuring that Saddam will not be able to ring in 2007. The announcement has brought tons of cheers from the Iraqis and Americans, while some are wondering if the violence in the mess of a country will ramp up after Saddam's neck cracks.
People of the Jewish faith kick off their eight day"festival of lights" tonight and light the first candle of their home-burning eight-armed octopus of death otherwise known as a manora. While we have once attempted to read the Jewish Tanak before passing out in a pool of whisky vomit and half-eaten McRibs, we don't pretend to know either jack or shit about Hanukkah, or Chanukkah, or whatever it's called.
International relations just got a little more informal, as the world's first game of international beach volleyball just recently took place between the United States and Mexico, with the Mex/US border fence being used as the net.
We were fortunate enough to catch President Bush's speech yesterday on our cell phone during a break during which he called out Iran and said that he was appointing a special official to look into Iran's nuclear, or "nucular," program. Or both of them, if the dude has time.
A German robber who held up a woman in her apartment was caught at the airport after his victim saw him waiting to board the same flight she was about to take back home from Turkey.
Swedish news station SVT News accidentally aired a 5-minute clip of hardcore Czech pornography during a newsbreak recently. The monitor which was showing the porn was one of many in a bank of video screens in the background behind the anchorman, who showed no knowledge of the goings-on behind him throughout his news reading.
18 men held in an Indonesian prison escaped over the weekend by blinding guards with liquified chili peppers in water bottles to held aide in their freedom excursion.
An entire family in Germany is on the verge of being evicted because their late night prayer sessions are keeping up the whole building. The praying begins sometimes as late as 2:30am, and if you think that is weird, wait until you hear what the patriarc of the religious family has to say.
An American man in Thailand who was looking for a teaching job admitted to the murder of 6-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago when he was in the United States after being arrested for some reason by the Thai police. He has since been detained and is expected to be extradited to the States for a formal interrogation.
Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, leader of the radical group Hizbollah, claimed that the terrorist organization had won a strategic battle against Israel after the agreement of a cease-fire, proving that even those against freedom and peace have public relations flack to help them iron out their bad image.
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert has announced that they have accepted a cease-fire agreement with Hizbollah. While no details have been released, this undoubtedly means the return of the captured Israeli soldier.
A bar in Beijing, China, has just opened up a new idea that we consider to be one of the most innovative and genius ways of getting more females into your establishment ever. Since April 2006, the bar has hired twenty young muscular men to stand still while patrons pay as low as $6.25 to wail on them, brutalize, punch and smash things on their bodies and heads.
Six-year-old Lu Di of China performed 10,000 pushups in a row in three hours and twenty minutes, earning himself a 10-year scholarship to his kung fu school.
A Spanish research firm has claimed to have developed a new type of crude oil that is created from plankton, creating a non-stop renewable energy source that could burn cleaner and easily bred, meaning your SUV will be able to run for hundreds of years to come.
French magistrate Philippe Bonnet is currently sleeping off a hardcore bender after attacking two police officers who were called to his home on a disturbance charge. The weapon? A ceremonial Masonic sword.
President George W. Bush has always been considered one of the most influential and important leaders in the world (you're joking, right? - ed.). But now his latest gaff might have some people in our country, especially those riding the wave to the left, in an uproar abotu what is proper in a diplomatic setting.